Another One

Dear Dada, 

     Happy New Year! I MISS YOU MORE THAN THE MOST POWERFUL WORDS CAN EVER DESCRIBE. I've noticed that I'm always writing to you, and I want to make it a good habit because this is the only way I can communicate with you and tell you how I feel. This just gives me the thought and comfort that you're really still alive and watching over us, as though your just having a vacation at a different country. Hope you're watching the fireworks right now happily up there with Jesus. 😊😊😊

     I want to tell you that I miss the old days so so much. I've had quite a number of awkward and bad moments with my cousins, or our other relatives, and I can't believe that I'm about to say the most surreal thing ever. During Christmas and today (December 31), I had such a great time. I can even recall crying over you just a few days ago, since I was looking at our old photos, how happy we were, and then I couldn't help but think of how all the wasted and bad times of mine with the family could have been amazing if you were still with us. I didn't want anyone, especially my parents, to see me crying over you because I knew that they'd think that I was being a total drama queen. You've been lost for quite a long time, and I think that they expect me to have moved on and because as they know, there isn't any valid reason for me to be crying over you. I also prayed the rosary on Christmas and today, since I always need luck when there's an event with our family. I seriously cannot afford another depressing and worthless moment. 

     I want to tell you about Christmas first. It all really started when me and Aunt Jen, along with her dog Sophia, gathered at grandma's bedroom for some reason. We began having lots of fun, and I'm so proud to say that I didn't keep my mouth shut! I contemplated on how the room's become so small, and I was really happy when I saw my cousin, Paolo and Aunt Jen react with smiles. When all of the adults left, I began playing with Perry and Paolo (my two cousins *wink* 😉), AND I HAD SO MUCH FUN!  I was so afraid that I'd be awkward or something, but none of those expectations happened. I thank God so deeply for letting me be happy, and for giving me a chance to bring back my old relationship with them. 

     Now, a while ago, we had lunch at Max's to celebrate Aunt Elle's birthday. We then went to grandma's house and stayed there till dinner, which was really cool. I got to eat the delicious cooking of grandma, play with my cousin (a lightsaber duel, and we played hide and seek -- okay, I admit, I'm really childish), and watch my aunts and uncles have battles of Kareoke. This is what I call priceless. 

     I wish that life could always be like this, and I'm so sad that three solid years were wasted because of my parents' and aunt's fight. I'm so grateful right now that my old relationship is slowly being rebuilt, part by part, and piece by piece. I really want to see the happy past with my family become my present and future. Life will never be the same without you, Dada. I knew you were smiling at us all. 😊

                                    With love, 

                                       Your granddaughter, Athena Cat.

PS to my grandpa: All the names mentioned in this post are code names, but I think you'll be able to figure them out. 😉😉😉 I love you!

All Images are from Pinterest.

iMiss iCarly!

     For the past three days since my Christmas break started, I've practically been doing nothing but re-watching episodes of iCarly! I've actually been planning to watch iCarly for a pretty long time already, ever since December started. I just love reliving my childhood, and I miss the thought of being a careless seven year old, going home to turn on the TV and laugh at the silliness of Carly, Sam, Freddie, and Spencer.

     The first thing I did this morning was watch iCarly (obvsly) :iGoodbye. I never got to watch that episode before, since me and my family were super busy during that time because we were moving to a new house, and so it was the first time that I laid my eyes on it. 

     I'm not very emotional when it comes to TV or movies, but I found myself swimming in a river of tears this morning due to iGoodbye -- iCarly's very last episode. iCarly has just been my childhood, and seeing it all end so sadly with Carly living with her dad made me feel as though it symbolized the end of my good old days as a kid. I think that the part that made me tear up the most was when Carly's dad announced that Carly could live with him. It just pulled me down to pure sadness when Sam said Carly should go for it, and if she'd been in her place she'd totally say yes. The first ever iCarly episode, iPilot, ends with a hat party to celebrate the success of their very first web show. And my heart broke to billions of pieces when they ALSO had a hat party in the very last episode. They all had a group hug, and the very last line to bring a knot to the whole series was Freddie saying "And, we're clear." 

     THESE HUMANS ARE JUST CRUSHING AN INNOCENT LITTLE GIRL'S HEART! 

     Seriously, I just wish that Dan Schneider would have ended it with no such drama at all. Just a normal natural episode like any other regular day, or probably he could have erased all the emphasis given to the fact that truly, it was the end. (ehem, ehem, SAYING THAT ICARLY IS SIMPLY TAKING A BREAK JUST MAKES THE PAIN FEEL SO MUCH WORSE, because duh, IT AIN'T!) Or maybe, they could have given any other non poisoning ending to the series by killing Carly or Sam and just getting it over with! (Okay, I was joking, but still, I FEEL SO SAD FOR WHAT'S HAPPENED!) I know that this premiered long ago in 2012, but I just cannot get over this, and I'm afraid that I never will.

     Without a doubt, iCarly occupied such a big space in my heart, and it always will. It's been a part of my life, and has made me laugh on the darkest of days. It even feels as though I've been there from the very start all along. I just want to say that iLOVE iCarly, and I'll never ever forget about it. I'm sad that it's ended, but I'm thankful for what it's been.

 ©All Images from Google Photos

PS. I ship Creddie. 

Christmas Once Again

We warmly welcome once again the warmth of Christmas Joy as the 25th of December slowly creeps up around the corner. For the only month in the whole year, the world will be covered in snow, holly, mistletoe, and love. But I, Athena Cat, have only one word to describe how my December's been going. BUSY. 

     Photo Creds: We Heart It 

     These days, I rarely ever get to do the things that I love, and this is once of the reasons of why I have such few blog posts on Wonderings Of A Writer for 2016. And Christmas is not an excuse for this, but rather, a sign of even more things to be doing. The demands of school are really just too much already! I even think that I'm loosing all my creativity and color since it's becoming replaced by each day of solving math problems or accomplishing reaction papers and essays, instead of finishing my stories, doing calligraphy, or catching up with the current book I'm reading. I sleep at midnight just to finish all my homework! All my time at home is spent for school! Even my weekends are just so filled! I seriously DO NOT feel happy about this. At all. 

     Despite Christmas's warmth and joy, I still have to finish everything before I am finally able to breathe. For the first two weeks of the month, I had to finish hundreds of school projects, which mercilessly included; memorizing a poem to present in the front of the class, creating a math tutorial video, and having to already prepare (as usual) my periodical exam reviewers.

       

     By the third week of December, I had my final periodical exams for the second quarter. And how did it go, you ask? Some were walks in the park or pieces of cake. But the others? Oh, just World War III, I guess! After the finals, we had our Intrams, and this wasn't the best of times either. Academic stuff were all finished, yet the intrams were so boring, and we had to stay at the court, watching different sports for three whole days. And we had no choice but to go to school since our teachers bargained with us a plus ten in our MAPEH quizzes if we all went to school on time and wore the proper attire. 

     This weekend wasn't very busy with school, but we had to go Christmas shopping some more and wrap presents once we got home. I also had to go to Emma's house to finish a school project, then me and mom went to the mall to watch Rogue One last Saturday and we saw Moana on Sunday. 

      This very second is one of the best times I shall cherish, for it is once of the very rare times I will get to myself. I love Christmas, but I've got to admit that it can just be the busiest time of all sometimes. This is Athena Cat signing out, saying Pause Noël est enfin ici!

     We Heart It (Photo) 

Complete Stranger

      Let me start from the very beginning. Let me start from the time my eyes opened and the brightness of the hospital's ceiling lights greeted me, and I was carried in these two warm arms of a woman I now call my mom. Let me start.

     Memories are overflowing in my head like a water tank waiting to burst. Some pierce through me like a clean sharp knife, while the others are like onions that suddenly make me water up. I think that you've forgotten the past, the good and joyful before, and I'm required to bring it back. This is an open letter, not to one person, but to everyone in the world who is grieving over the death of someone who is still alive. 

       Photo from Pinterest

     Do you still know me? Sure, you know my name, but what enters your mind when you hear of it? Blankness, I would guess. "Yeah, she's my cousin." "Yeah, she's my neice." "Yeah, she's a relative of mine." You know my name. You know what I look like. But. . . if I were to have a time turner, and travel back through time, I know that you'd even smile. I just know it. I know that you'd even wish that I was with you. I know that you'd think of me, or recall the last time we saw each other. Call me crazy, say that I'm a know-it-all, tell me that I'm wrong. But I believe in my heart. 

     I'm going to introduce myself to you, because I need you to trust me when I say that you do not know me. My name is Athena Cat, just a pathetic little girl from your unopened memories. And as always, she's assuming and hoping for the impossible, only to fail and get hurt once again. But anyways, let's forget about that right now, shall we? It's impossible for you to remember, but believe it or not, I used to cry every time we had to stop playing because me and my family had to go home already. I may be a stranger to you now, but we used to dance on the bed and pretend that we were in a royal ball. I remember once that I brought some stickers with me, and we sticked them up on grandma's wall. I reckon it's even there until now, but currently, it's just another meaningless childhood fragment of yours. Remember when we used to go to the mall together and we'd hold each other's hands? There was also this one time when we used to create a fort or space ship with pillows, and we even pretended like there was a war and you'd try to wake me up, because I died while fighting. We used to dream about having our own tree house. You'd have the second floor, and I'd have the first. Ooh, and one time, you were trying to convince me to go in front of everyone at the restaurant and say happy birthday grandpa on the microphone with you. And I can still recall so vividly the day that I didn't want to go home, and magically, the door from the bedroom wouldn't open, thus locking us inside. We both were trying to free ourselves, but I was so happy though, because it meant more time to spend with you. We used to swim together in that tiny inflatable pool at your place. You'd always be the hider in hide and seek, and my mom would get mad whenever I wouldn't use my slippers while playing. We used to be best friends, inseparable and close. But now, all these things in the past are quite the opposite of the present. It. . . is all. . .  shattered, and nothing more than one of those old and burnt photo albums, showing the unspeakable truth of time stopping images.

      Photo from Pinterest

     Just a while ago, we saw each other at the family reunion. You greeted me and I gave you a hug. And by that split second hearing your voice, I couldn't stand to think that this was the same voice that I used to talk to so comfortably, without any fear or awkwardness. The event went on and on, and you were at the front, having fun with some of our other cousins whom I don't even know the names of. I stayed upstairs, trying to study for my periodical exams tomorrow. But when I finished, it was all still the same. You stayed with some other people, and you all laughed and had fun, while I stayed, spending the whole day with my phone, just hoping to be able to get back home. See how time flies? It was just like yesterday that I was begging my parents to stay a little longer because I practically wanted to live at your place. You know, if I changed our ages a little bit, and reverse the years, with the same people, same time, same place, I just know that you'd stay by my side. I used to love the company of my family, thinking that I had this group of people where I was the star, and everybody loved me, but now, I sit in a corner and desire to stay unknown. 

      Photo from Pinterest

     I miss you so much. I wish that time never grew old and we could stay kids forever, but you've forgotten the before, and I am now a complete stranger. It isn't impossible to bring back the past and get our old relationship to the present, but it's going to be really hard. But no matter what happens, you'll always be my cousin, and you will forever be my childhood best friend.

           

                 Photo from Pinterest

Against All

Tears, tears, and tears

Overthinking, anxiety, stress.

Eternal darkness fills my vision

As the never ending cycle greets me

like an old friend

It's always my fault, isn't it?

And I'm always wrong

I'm the bad one.

I'm the worst.

Damage me some more, will you?

cause you can't break what's already broken!

      Photo From Pinterest

This is my life,

This is how things always are

How things always will be

I don't know what to feel

I don't know what to do

I don't want to eat

I don't want to go out

I don't want to go to school

I don't want to wake up

I don't want to live.

I don't believe in the "possible"

and I never really had

But I couldn't ever believe in the reality

When the unbelievable, the unlikely, the fairytale,

The unthinkable, the unspeakable, the fantasy

the fictional, the imaginary,

ALL THE WORDS FOR IMPOSSIBLE!

Actually, actually, actually,

came true.

From billions of years,

Locked in the darkness,

He came

He came like light,

Shining and glowing

In the black inside of me.

He came out of nowhere,

And made me know

What happiness truly is.

He came in like

sudden wind flying through your hair

on windy days

He came like the coolness of

your favorite chocolate ice cream

Moving through your head,

attacking you with a brain freeze

I simply failed to see that he was there,

Always, he was with me

But now, I know

And I'm not letting go.

      Photo From Pinterest

To be able to see light again

In this, horrid, horrid world

Felt so different

As though I had a rebirth

I could lift cars,

Fly over the world,

read other people's minds,

I felt invincible!

Thanks to him

      Photo From Pinterest

Who is he?

He who melted my tears away,

He who made me feel welcome,

He who made me believe,

He who opened the door when all was shut,

He who erased all the problems,

He who made me laugh,

He who listened,

He who never left me alone, 

who was always there from the very start

Who is he?

When the world is against me,

And no one else cares,

I still have him,

I still have that one person who means the world

And he is, and always will be,

My Dad.

     Photo From Pinterest

Hello Once Again

      Hello once more to you. I've been dying to write this post for the past four days, and now that my fingers are gliding along the keyboard, I am at loss for words. What do I truly want to say?

     I'm just going to go straight to the point, and not ponder over the grief that, I too have about this matter. Marcos being buried in the "Libingan Ng Mga Bayani" is truly an indescribable and horrid thing, and I would never forget the goosebumps and sinking of my heart when I heard that he, A guy who killed, totured, and stole could be called a damn hero. 

      At the moment I heard about the terrifying news, I immediately checked your Facebook wall, and could not believe how true and honest my instincts were acting. Again, kids our age don't give a single thought about these matters, only probably if you write for the school paper or something. But you, you care so much and it's as though you've been there all throughout the dark times, mad and extremely against Martial Law. I kinda hate to say it (I LOATHE SUGARCOATED STUFF, JSYK.), but this makes me like you even more. This is saying something, because I already liked you so much months ago, and I didn't think that it could get any worse. But still, I haven't fallen completely because just like always, I have four words. 

   

U

       Photo from Pinterest

     I. Don't. Know. You.

      I kept on talking to myself earlier, begging and desperate for some action to happen, since I hate to admit it, but I'm becoming quite eager to know you (WHAT DID I JUST SAY....). But I don't want to see you in real life. I know that it'll be awkward and you'll see me as someone who I'm not. But I've also thought about it and, it's also impossible for us to not meet at least once more in the future, since our moms are kind of like friends. I can't stand thinking of how awkward and red my face will be when that day comes. 

       Photo from Pinterest

      Photo from Pinterest

     I know that it's impossible for what I usually dream of in love to become a reality. For in love, the impossible is just impossible. As everyone knows, I'm very focused on my dreams and never give up, and I don't believe in the impossible. But when it comes to thie, I strongly think that the impossible is simply, impossible. That's it. You can't do anything, even with hard work. And how will all my pathetic visions be a reality? I know for a fact that we live in two separate and different worlds. You barely know me. But I accept this sad truth, because from the very first dream I had of you, on the night of 12th February, I knew from the start that it was all a dream, impossible. 

     But still, I didn't just let go for some reason I can't explain. I think it's because it just makes me happy. I love the feeling of waking up completely merry as I remember my dream of you. I love even more the feeling of looking at your Facebook wall and letting my dreams collaborate with reality. But what I love the most, is when I write about you. Perfecting A Princess wouldn't have been how it is, or it wouldn't even exist without you. And putting you in my stories lets me think of you more, and even allows me to have adventures with you through my own head and imagination. And how weird and odd it is for a girl you never knew to practically be obsessed with you, and you don't have a single clue. If you discover this, it's all going to sound surreal. 

       Photo from Pinterest

     I know what you're thinking, these are such stupid reasons for me to suddenly fall, but out of everything I can put into words and explain thouroughly, I cannot manage to explain THIS situation. You are my first, and I doubt that I'll ever think or like anyone else like you.

      You know who you are. Another unsent letter this is, but if the day comes when your eyes finally read this, word per word with your heart beating loudly, a teeny tiny part of me right now prays and hopes and wishes, that I'll be right next to you, saying one thing for the rest of life.

OKAY, WHAT JUST HAPPENED? WHAT DID I JUST SAY? I HATE SUGARCOATED STUFF. UGH WHAT DID I DO.

      Photo from Pinterest

Back To Reality

      Just last week, semestral break ended, and as our teachers say, we are now "back in reality". I finally feel it all come back. But today, I just want to say that for some reason, I feel really really happy. It's kinda weird because if you come to think of it, my present is filled with problems. School work is starting to multiply again, graded recitations are increasing, Donald Trump won the elections, me and Scarlette's fight still isn't over, my uncle went back to America, and yet, for some tiny fact which I am eager to find out, I feel indescribably happy.

      When I got home, I was just in this giddy feeling and I listened to some new songs. I actually have a theory that this could be the cause of my very strong patronus. To be clear and so I'll never forget this revolutionary day, I listened to "All Night" by The Vamps ft. Matoma, and "Bad Things" by Machine Gun Kelly and Camila Cabello. 

      Photo From Google Images

     Photo from Google Images

     Whenever I discover something new, I always have a theory or theories since I want to discover its real cause or what it is. For this matter, I have a theory that it's because my uncle left, and I feel happier since I mostly get annoyed at him. It could also be because of Scarlette since we don't talk and I'm a bit free, but that doesn't really make sense since I feel bad about that situation. It's a Tuesday, and we only have five subjects at school, which could also be a possible cause. But what I think is the real, and strongest reason of my happiness? Read on. 

      I kept on singing while fixing my stuff for school, and for the first time in such a humongous amount of time, I felt HAPPY. I wasn't faking it, or forcing myself to be happy. And this makes me so curious. 

      By dinner time though, I started watching some YouTube (I LOVE JANINA VELA AND BETHANY MOTA, BTW) and that was also such a great time, since YouTube is technically my solution to be happy and to laugh. I have this other theory that my sadness comes from the fact that I just do school work too much, and I think that I don't get to enjoy life very much, since it's always work work work work. I still have loads of time tomorrow to do my unfinished work, and that'll also be productive since I'll be doing something other than just watching the hands of our clock tick by. This cycle seems really healthy, and I love it. I hope my depression (I don't really have the disorder, jsyk. I just experience a lot sad stuff in life.) goes away, and I get some control over this life.

      Photo From Pinterest

Field Trip 2016

     The past three days I've experienced were sooo tiring. Thursday? I cried my eyes out at the fact of me and Scarlette still being bitter like never before, even after semestral break. Friday? It was super fun since it was our field trip! I sat next to Emma, and I instantly fell asleep once I got home. And Saturday, you ask? Me and my family had a trip to Tagaytay, and me and my parents had this big argument earlier in the morning since I really didn't want to wake up because I was so tired from the field trip yesterday. But enough with the complaints, let me tell the story of my School Field trip! (For more photos, visit my Facebook page Wonderings of a Writer, or Instagram account, Athena Cat)

     As I can remember, me and my batchmates went to San Gregorio Farms, Diving Mercy Shrine, and Hospice Of St. John. I sat next to Emma, since me and Scarlette were still ignoring each other. I had a super great time with her throughout the trip, as we talked about childhood memories, music, zodiacs, and food. If you didn't know, me and Emma were also field trip buddies last school year. 

     Our first destination was Divine Mercy Shrine, which was somewhat of a grotto. From the parking lot, we entered this covered court where stacks and stacks of chairs were tidied up, and a cross and altar stood in the front. Farther away were statues of Jesus and other historical people displayed in the gardens. There was a wishing well, where I obviously asked for me and Scarlette to be alright again, and there was also a tiny fountain where you could pass by. There was also a cave that was filled with flowers and statues or images of Mama Mary, and as I remember, there was also a replica of St. John's home. And by the very very end was finally the beautiful church (which we couldn't really enter for a long time because there was an ongoing mass). 

     Our second destination was The Hospice of St. John, which was an orphanage. But sadly, we literally did not do anything at all there. Even though it was drizzling, we wore our hoodies and went there just to listen to a boring speaker inform us about drugs and abandonment. We only dropped the toys we were supposed to give to the orphans in a trash bag which was collected by our teacher, but the talk was just it. The promised interaction with the orphans was really a big fat lie.

     Lastly, we visited San Gregorio Farms, which was really quite enjoyable, if only we had enough time. After taking our lunch, we went to a part of the farm where we were taught how to create Pastillias (Filipino Candy), purely out of cow milk. 

     Then we watched the process of milking cows (I HATED THIS PART, AND I WANTED TO GO HOME SINCE MY HEAD WAS ACHING DUE TO THE BAD SMELL). And who would've thought that they held us captive there until at least two if our batchmates went to the cow and milked it! It was more of a nightmare if you ask me. I was personally about to die since I seriously couldn't stand the scent anymore.

     But once we survived that part, we moved on to tree planting, which was also quite gross since we had to touch the soil. One of my classmates shrieked in horror when she discovered a spider and a worm in her pile. But anyway, there was this plastic that was filled with soil and a little plant. Now, we had to transfer that plant to the ground using our bare hands. Not even a shovel? No gloves? What will you surprise me with next, Philippines? 😒

     But anyways, we also tried the zipline, which was the COOLEST moment of my life. EVER. It was even nervwrecking for me since it was my first time, and out of all my batchmates, I was second to try. The stairs were spiralling and you had to sit down on this belt and hold on to the grips to stay alive. My legs were so shaky, but part of me was also so eager and excited. And once the farm worker pushed me, I saw myself smiling at the spectacular view the zipline had to offer, and grinned wildly when I saw a River (because I was reminded of someone special...). Who would've thought that when I finally reached its end, I couldn't stop complaining for more! 

     I passed through a hanging bridge through the river, which actually led to the fishing area. Although I didn't want to touch any of the Papayas as bait, my eagerness, curiosness, and adventurous side couldn't say no to fishing. It was my first time, and I absoloutely love trying new things when it comes travelling (I EMPHASIZE, ONLY TRAVELLING.) But sadlyyyy, I didn't catch a single one, and my bait was always captured. 

     For more photos, visit my Instagram account (Athena Cat), or Facebook page (Wonderings of a Writer). This is Athena Cat, saying TRAVEL MORE! 

Fighting With A Friend. . . . .

      Today is one of the moments where I am at my very saddest and let the world revolve around me, thinking of how better I could feel if I didn't exist. Why am I so depressed, you ask? It's October! Foundation Day at school! Semestral Break! It's impossible for someone to feel so blue at this time of the year.

      But I, Athena Cat, have just proven that yes, it truly is possible for normal human beings to experience this at such a happy and festive month. Before I go on to the point of all this, let me say that I rarely ever have fights with my friends. Like, ever. My first and latest fight with two of my friends happened back in 2014! I am not a type of person who to seriously fights with their friends, and to be honest, I'm a really really good friend! I'm not bragging or anything, but I always give such great advide to my squad when they're at their lowest, and I've always always got their back (THEM? NOT SO MUCH!). I'm the kind of friend who just likes having fun, goofing off, and being silly. I live life, peoplesss!

     Moving on, I feel so depressed because me and one of my closest friends have not been in good terms for a week now. We've been friends since SECOND GRADE! 😭 And I just really really want us to be great friends again, and seeing her hanging out with other people and smiling as though nothing happened makes me feel as though she's better off without me, and that she's happier right now. 😭😭😭

     Our field trip is on the 4th of this Novemeber, and after Semestral break, we'll have one regular school day, and then we'll be having the trip. In my section, my bestest friends are Emma and Scarlette, whom I have also been friends with last school year, but we're actually a lot closer now. And like everyone knows, three is a crowd! Talk about needing to pair up in school activities!

    Well, one day after practicing for our foundation day celebration, me and Scarlette sat beside each other in the classroom. Here is our horrible, horrible, horrible conversation about the field trip.

Scarlette: So, what are we going to do for the field trip? Who are you gonna sit next to? 

  (And of course, since I am a writer, I can't help but put a little description to her voice and facial expressions, so let's pretend you're reading a book now, shall we?) she says, her voice just like always, tough yet affectionate. I look with confidence but worry a little, for the fact that she doesn't know yet. . . 

Athena: Me and Emma are already buddies, 

   (Buddies means seatmates for the field trip since that's what we call it, but I don't mean buddies, like besties or friends okay) I reply blankly, trying to make it look like it's no big deal. 

Scarlette: Huh? When have you talked about it? she says with a little shake in her voice.

Athena: I can't remember, it was a long time ago. I think it was in August, when you just came home from your trip to Korea, I reply, knowing in my head that this was going to be a normal conversation, that we'd both be laughing and chatting away in an hour later. But as I wait for a reply, she repays me with dead silence. This was the loudest silence in my life, it hurt my ears and made my eyes water. 

      Photo from Pinterest

Athena: I didn't know that you were annoyed at Lilly when me and Emma talked about it -- I reply back with numbness and no feelings at all as she cuts me off. 

Scarlette: You two are so mean! You didn't even tell me about it! she cries out, with a little scary, painful, depressed laugh in the mixture.

Athena: But we didn't know that you were annoyed at Lilly --

Scarlette: I told you then! You knew already! she fights back, hurt and fighting. 

Athena: No, we didn't. You didn't tell --

Scarlette: But you asked her, didn't you? Scarlette asks with her depressed eyes staring deeply into mine. I remain quiet, not knowing what she meant. 

Scarlette: Didn't you???! she repeats. 

Athena: Well yeah, I did, but -- 

Scarlette: Then you did! and then that was that. I sat there, acting like nothing was wrong, but yes, I felt all mixed up inside, too many emotions stirring, all at the same time, all hitting me at once, activating my numb expression. 

*After a minute, which seemed like a year,*

Athena: Sooo, what are we gonna do? 

Scarlette: I'M THINKING ABOUT IT! she replies really loudly, letting me lean on the wall and just give her some space. I had no clue that that was the last I'd hear from her. That that little thing was the end of the whole thing. 

      Photo from Scream Poems - Facebok

      This fight happened on a Wednesday, and later that day, I told Emma all about it, and came up with a solution for the seating arrangements. But still, Scarlette blamed me, and got mad at me, BUT IS IN PERFECTLY GOOD TERMS WITH EMMA. Isn't life just a whirlwind of beauty and peace? 

Anyways, I spoke with Chezka (a close friend of Scarlette's) during our dry run and guess what just happened.

*talking about some random stuff, etc., etc.*

Chezka: Hey, I heard that you and Scarlette aren't good,

Athena: Not good? Why? What did she say? (Because as I remember, we were just having an argument! Not a big serious fight with ignoring! I do NOT like fighting, and I am not USED to fighting!) 

Chezka: She told me all about it, and even told me that she felt like crying, I stay quiet for a while, just feeling numb and at the verge of seriously wanting to abandon this planet. I then tell Chezka all about it, my opinion, and how Scarlette balmed me, and got mad at me. 

     When Saturday came, we still had practices for the foundation day but I wasn't able to go because of a family reunion. My bestest friend in the whole wild world (who I know will never treat me like how Scarlette did!), Candy, told me something that shattered my already broken self even more. (How can you break what's already broken? -_-) 

Candy: Hey Scarlette, do you know where Athena is?

Scarlette: Nahh, she probably didn't go to school since she's always lazy, 

Candy: *suddenly remembers I've got a fam thing* Oh, I remember she's got a family reunion at their house today,

Scarlette: Ugh, they always have family reunions

        Photo from Pinterest

     Say hello to an even more broken Athena! I LOVE THE WORLDDDDDDD! 

     First of all, this whole thing was nobody's fault between me, Emma, and Scarlette. It wasn't Scarlette's fault at all, even though she said nasty things, because I clearly know that she just felt really sad and she couldn't control her emotions. It wasn't her fault to feel those kinds of things too, since she mostly feels out of place and sometimes gets left out with me and Emma, cause me and Emma have a closer bond, since we were closer last year (Scarlette had a different group of friends back then). But at the same time, you also can't blame me because when Emma told Scarlette the solutions I came up with, she didn't reply and still continued blaming me. And I didn't even know that she actually felt all of this stuff. This is what I mean about friendships. Scarlette is kinda immature for not expressing her thoughts with us. Staying quiet and letting other people guess what you want to happen is for little kids! It's all just so childish that it annoys me for someone to be that ridiculous. 

      Photo from Pinterest

     My theory is that Scarlette really wanted to sit next to me in the field trip. She also asked me pretty early in August, but I wanted to sit next to Emma. When I suggested my other ideas in the past, she rejected them, and I knew that she really wanted us two to be buddies. But I guess that that's all gone now! And even with sending a super long apology message to her, she still won't do anything in real life. 

     During early October, I already asked my dad for some help on this situation, and he said that I should do what I wanted, and let Scarlette sit next to who she had to sit next to. He meant that I shouldn't follow what other people wanted, and I should listen to myself. I knew that this was great advice, but after actually seeing Scarlette's deepest side (Yes, this is the first time I've seen her act like this. Scarlette's practically Sam from iCarly, and she's really tough.) and realizing how unfair me and Emma can be to her (because as I've said, she mostly gets left out. Three is a crowd 😞), I felt the need and want to be her partner for the trip. To be honest, for a person who understands people a lot just like me, I really changed my mind with this situation. I felt like I've unlocked another human in my personality notebook. Just so you know, I'm rarely like that. 

      I keep on facing the unreal matter that I think Scarlette and I will still, somehow, find a way to repair these broken stiches. Does fighting really matter more than the joy of being friends? Would you rather give up all those smiles and laughs for what? A misunderstanding?! If Scarlette does do that, then that would mean that she was faking all the good times we used to have, since she's such a pro at forgetting it and abandoning it, because I know, and she knows, and we know that our friendship wasn't just something. It wasn't just another piece of paper with lines on it, or another pencil that could write with the same shade -- no, it was different, and when things are extraordinary, you'd be so stupid to just throw it away. These are the things that keep you going in life. This is the reason of why, despite all the depression and stress and anger, you see through the darkness -- and then, and only then will you discover true beauty.

     Whatever happens, I just hope that the Scarlette situation gets fixed, since I love her so much, I love my friends all so much, and I hate fighting. I just want everything to go back as it used to be. I know that nothing's impossible with God, so I ask for his guidance and help. 

      Photo from Teenager Posts