Saturday, December 31, 2016

Another One

Dear Dada, 

     Happy New Year! I MISS YOU MORE THAN THE MOST POWERFUL WORDS CAN EVER DESCRIBE. I've noticed that I'm always writing to you, and I want to make it a good habit because this is the only way I can communicate with you and tell you how I feel. This just gives me the thought and comfort that you're really still alive and watching over us, as though your just having a vacation at a different country. Hope you're watching the fireworks right now happily up there with Jesus. 😊😊😊

     I want to tell you that I miss the old days so so much. I've had quite a number of awkward and bad moments with my cousins, or our other relatives, and I can't believe that I'm about to say the most surreal thing ever. During Christmas and today (December 31), I had such a great time. I can even recall crying over you just a few days ago, since I was looking at our old photos, how happy we were, and then I couldn't help but think of how all the wasted and bad times of mine with the family could have been amazing if you were still with us. I didn't want anyone, especially my parents, to see me crying over you because I knew that they'd think that I was being a total drama queen. You've been lost for quite a long time, and I think that they expect me to have moved on and because as they know, there isn't any valid reason for me to be crying over you. I also prayed the rosary on Christmas and today, since I always need luck when there's an event with our family. I seriously cannot afford another depressing and worthless moment. 

     I want to tell you about Christmas first. It all really started when me and Aunt Jen, along with her dog Sophia, gathered at grandma's bedroom for some reason. We began having lots of fun, and I'm so proud to say that I didn't keep my mouth shut! I contemplated on how the room's become so small, and I was really happy when I saw my cousin, Paolo and Aunt Jen react with smiles. When all of the adults left, I began playing with Perry and Paolo (my two cousins *wink* 😉), AND I HAD SO MUCH FUN!  I was so afraid that I'd be awkward or something, but none of those expectations happened. I thank God so deeply for letting me be happy, and for giving me a chance to bring back my old relationship with them. 

     Now, a while ago, we had lunch at Max's to celebrate Aunt Elle's birthday. We then went to grandma's house and stayed there till dinner, which was really cool. I got to eat the delicious cooking of grandma, play with my cousin (a lightsaber duel, and we played hide and seek -- okay, I admit, I'm really childish), and watch my aunts and uncles have battles of Kareoke. This is what I call priceless. 

     I wish that life could always be like this, and I'm so sad that three solid years were wasted because of my parents' and aunt's fight. I'm so grateful right now that my old relationship is slowly being rebuilt, part by part, and piece by piece. I really want to see the happy past with my family become my present and future. Life will never be the same without you, Dada. I knew you were smiling at us all. 😊

                                    With love, 
                                       Your granddaughter, Athena Cat.

PS to my grandpa: All the names mentioned in this post are code names, but I think you'll be able to figure them out. 😉😉😉 I love you!

All Images are from Pinterest.

Friday, December 23, 2016

iMiss iCarly!

     For the past three days since my Christmas break started, I've practically been doing nothing but re-watching episodes of iCarly! I've actually been planning to watch iCarly for a pretty long time already, ever since December started. I just love reliving my childhood, and I miss the thought of being a careless seven year old, going home to turn on the TV and laugh at the silliness of Carly, Sam, Freddie, and Spencer.

     The first thing I did this morning was watch iCarly (obvsly) :iGoodbye. I never got to watch that episode before, since me and my family were super busy during that time because we were moving to a new house, and so it was the first time that I laid my eyes on it. 

     I'm not very emotional when it comes to TV or movies, but I found myself swimming in a river of tears this morning due to iGoodbye -- iCarly's very last episode. iCarly has just been my childhood, and seeing it all end so sadly with Carly living with her dad made me feel as though it symbolized the end of my good old days as a kid. I think that the part that made me tear up the most was when Carly's dad announced that Carly could live with him. It just pulled me down to pure sadness when Sam said Carly should go for it, and if she'd been in her place she'd totally say yes. The first ever iCarly episode, iPilot, ends with a hat party to celebrate the success of their very first web show. And my heart broke to billions of pieces when they ALSO had a hat party in the very last episode. They all had a group hug, and the very last line to bring a knot to the whole series was Freddie saying "And, we're clear." 


     Seriously, I just wish that Dan Schneider would have ended it with no such drama at all. Just a normal natural episode like any other regular day, or probably he could have erased all the emphasis given to the fact that truly, it was the end. (ehem, ehem, SAYING THAT ICARLY IS SIMPLY TAKING A BREAK JUST MAKES THE PAIN FEEL SO MUCH WORSE, because duh, IT AIN'T!) Or maybe, they could have given any other non poisoning ending to the series by killing Carly or Sam and just getting it over with! (Okay, I was joking, but still, I FEEL SO SAD FOR WHAT'S HAPPENED!) I know that this premiered long ago in 2012, but I just cannot get over this, and I'm afraid that I never will.

     Without a doubt, iCarly occupied such a big space in my heart, and it always will. It's been a part of my life, and has made me laugh on the darkest of days. It even feels as though I've been there from the very start all along. I just want to say that iLOVE iCarly, and I'll never ever forget about it. I'm sad that it's ended, but I'm thankful for what it's been.

 ©All Images from Google Photos

PS. I ship Creddie. 

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Christmas Once Again

We warmly welcome once again the warmth of Christmas Joy as the 25th of December slowly creeps up around the corner. For the only month in the whole year, the world will be covered in snow, holly, mistletoe, and love. But I, Athena Cat, have only one word to describe how my December's been going. BUSY

     Photo Creds: We Heart It 

     These days, I rarely ever get to do the things that I love, and this is once of the reasons of why I have such few blog posts on Wonderings Of A Writer for 2016. And Christmas is not an excuse for this, but rather, a sign of even more things to be doing. The demands of school are really just too much already! I even think that I'm loosing all my creativity and color since it's becoming replaced by each day of solving math problems or accomplishing reaction papers and essays, instead of finishing my stories, doing calligraphy, or catching up with the current book I'm reading. I sleep at midnight just to finish all my homework! All my time at home is spent for school! Even my weekends are just so filled! I seriously DO NOT feel happy about this. At all. 

     Despite Christmas's warmth and joy, I still have to finish everything before I am finally able to breathe. For the first two weeks of the month, I had to finish hundreds of school projects, which mercilessly included; memorizing a poem to present in the front of the class, creating a math tutorial video, and having to already prepare (as usual) my periodical exam reviewers.
     By the third week of December, I had my final periodical exams for the second quarter. And how did it go, you ask? Some were walks in the park or pieces of cake. But the others? Oh, just World War III, I guess! After the finals, we had our Intrams, and this wasn't the best of times either. Academic stuff were all finished, yet the intrams were so boring, and we had to stay at the court, watching different sports for three whole days. And we had no choice but to go to school since our teachers bargained with us a plus ten in our MAPEH quizzes if we all went to school on time and wore the proper attire. 

     This weekend wasn't very busy with school, but we had to go Christmas shopping some more and wrap presents once we got home. I also had to go to Emma's house to finish a school project, then me and mom went to the mall to watch Rogue One last Saturday and we saw Moana on Sunday. 

      This very second is one of the best times I shall cherish, for it is once of the very rare times I will get to myself. I love Christmas, but I've got to admit that it can just be the busiest time of all sometimes. This is Athena Cat signing out, saying Pause Noël est enfin ici!

     We Heart It (Photo) 

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Complete Stranger

      Let me start from the very beginning. Let me start from the time my eyes opened and the brightness of the hospital's ceiling lights greeted me, and I was carried in these two warm arms of a woman I now call my mom. Let me start.

     Memories are overflowing in my head like a water tank waiting to burst. Some pierce through me like a clean sharp knife, while the others are like onions that suddenly make me water up. I think that you've forgotten the past, the good and joyful before, and I'm required to bring it back. This is an open letter, not to one person, but to everyone in the world who is grieving over the death of someone who is still alive. 

       Photo from Pinterest

     Do you still know me? Sure, you know my name, but what enters your mind when you hear of it? Blankness, I would guess. "Yeah, she's my cousin." "Yeah, she's my neice." "Yeah, she's a relative of mine." You know my name. You know what I look like. But. . . if I were to have a time turner, and travel back through time, I know that you'd even smile. I just know it. I know that you'd even wish that I was with you. I know that you'd think of me, or recall the last time we saw each other. Call me crazy, say that I'm a know-it-all, tell me that I'm wrong. But I believe in my heart. 

     I'm going to introduce myself to you, because I need you to trust me when I say that you do not know me. My name is Athena Cat, just a pathetic little girl from your unopened memories. And as always, she's assuming and hoping for the impossible, only to fail and get hurt once again. But anyways, let's forget about that right now, shall we? It's impossible for you to remember, but believe it or not, I used to cry every time we had to stop playing because me and my family had to go home already. I may be a stranger to you now, but we used to dance on the bed and pretend that we were in a royal ball. I remember once that I brought some stickers with me, and we sticked them up on grandma's wall. I reckon it's even there until now, but currently, it's just another meaningless childhood fragment of yours. Remember when we used to go to the mall together and we'd hold each other's hands? There was also this one time when we used to create a fort or space ship with pillows, and we even pretended like there was a war and you'd try to wake me up, because I died while fighting. We used to dream about having our own tree house. You'd have the second floor, and I'd have the first. Ooh, and one time, you were trying to convince me to go in front of everyone at the restaurant and say happy birthday grandpa on the microphone with you. And I can still recall so vividly the day that I didn't want to go home, and magically, the door from the bedroom wouldn't open, thus locking us inside. We both were trying to free ourselves, but I was so happy though, because it meant more time to spend with you. We used to swim together in that tiny inflatable pool at your place. You'd always be the hider in hide and seek, and my mom would get mad whenever I wouldn't use my slippers while playing. We used to be best friends, inseparable and close. But now, all these things in the past are quite the opposite of the present. It. . . is all. . .  shattered, and nothing more than one of those old and burnt photo albums, showing the unspeakable truth of time stopping images.

      Photo from Pinterest

     Just a while ago, we saw each other at the family reunion. You greeted me and I gave you a hug. And by that split second hearing your voice, I couldn't stand to think that this was the same voice that I used to talk to so comfortably, without any fear or awkwardness. The event went on and on, and you were at the front, having fun with some of our other cousins whom I don't even know the names of. I stayed upstairs, trying to study for my periodical exams tomorrow. But when I finished, it was all still the same. You stayed with some other people, and you all laughed and had fun, while I stayed, spending the whole day with my phone, just hoping to be able to get back home. See how time flies? It was just like yesterday that I was begging my parents to stay a little longer because I practically wanted to live at your place. You know, if I changed our ages a little bit, and reverse the years, with the same people, same time, same place, I just know that you'd stay by my side. I used to love the company of my family, thinking that I had this group of people where I was the star, and everybody loved me, but now, I sit in a corner and desire to stay unknown. 

      Photo from Pinterest

     I miss you so much. I wish that time never grew old and we could stay kids forever, but you've forgotten the before, and I am now a complete stranger. It isn't impossible to bring back the past and get our old relationship to the present, but it's going to be really hard. But no matter what happens, you'll always be my cousin, and you will forever be my childhood best friend.

                 Photo from Pinterest