Almost every day of my life
As I wake up to greet the comforting blue sky,
Welcoming another day,
I cannot help but ask.
The world is breathtaking,
It's many colors and views
Every flower from each garden,
All the animals from different crews
Each attraction from all the countries,
People can be amazing,
They can be helpful,
They can let you laugh in the darkest of times
They can make you smile in your deepest despairs
They will give you memories to cherish and hold onto till death
They will make you feel beautiful,
Let you love yourself.
But. . .
Despite the rainbows,
The princesses and the nice tomorrows,
Why do they have to stop?
Why can't there be no last drop?
Why does the color have to be smeared,
With the shadows and harsh tears?
Why can we not stay,
In this continuing endless play?
Why do we need to frown,
To be sad because everything's down?
Why can't they all be nice?
Because I'm sure, our happiness would then be thrice.
I have lots of questions
But I am not rich with time,
I have lots of whys,
But I'll say this one before my very last rhyme
So answer me,
If you'd even dare or try.
Here it finally is,
No more exes and os
No more arrows and bows,
Because here I finally go,
Telling you with one straight blow.
I am hurt, I am broken, I am cursed.
Everything is evil.
I know, I've said it billions of times.
You've read it from every article in each and every line
But in this case,
There is no bright side.
There is no right,
Even if you string all your might.
So now you're probably wondering,
How did I say it was evil?
BECAUSE IT CREATED SUNSHINES,
IT TUCK ME TO SLEEP AND SANG A LULLABY,
IT GAVE ME PARENTS AND MY BIRTHRIGHT
IT LET ME SEE THE BEAUTY, THE WONDERS,
IT LOVED ME AND I ADORED IT
IT CREATED MAGIC, JOY, AND INDESCRIBABLE FEELINGS
IT GAVE ME DIAMONDS, GOLD
MORE THAN ANYTHING I'D EVER LIKE
BUT IN THE END,
IN THE END WHAT, WHAT DID IT DO?
IT DECEIVED, IT STAINED, IT WAS NOT TRUE
IT MADE THE PAIN SO MUCH WORSE
THAN THE HAPPINESS I THOUGHT WAS NOT BLUE
IT WAS BAIT,
IT KILLS, IT BREAKS, IT FAKES,
LEAVING ME ALONE TO CONTEMPLATE
I CRY IN THE NIGHT
HOPING, WISHING, PRAYING,
THAT MY PATHETIC LITTLE BEAM OF LIGHT
WOULD ERASE MY FRIGHT
TRYING TO ASSURE MYSELF,
THAT THIS WAS NOT RIGHT.
My dear happiness,
My smiles, and my dreams,
My hopes, and all my merry days
Why, why, why?
Do you laugh at my cries?
A chapter from my new book on Wattpad, Just Another Tear. Please do follow me, my username's @HermioneGranger004. It would mean the world if you did. 😊
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
Monday, April 17, 2017
I am nice.
I am loving, helpful, and kind
I am innocent
I adore the whole world
I love everyone
I like everything.
I am wicked
I accidentally release
The demons from the cage
I can despise you
Desire your death
I can be dangerous
And hope for your worst
I try to stop
I try to control
Stop being the wrong
And be a friendly soul
I try to shut up
I try closing my mouth
But my words have pierced a soul
And sorry ain't enough
I try to let things become better
But I then make things worse
I try making you smile
But I end up being sad
I have two faces.
Two sides, two traces
One is innocent, beautiful, and nice
Horrible, mean, and unrefined
I am sorry,
Sorry for every single thing
I am a monster,
Destructive and irresponsible
I am frightened just as you
Of what my other half
Can surprisingly do
A chapter from my new book on Wattpad, Just Another Tear. My username's HermioneGranger004. :)
Tuesday, February 21, 2017
My life is a trash can. It always has been, but I had never had the guts to say that it is true. But yes, it very much is.
All my life ever since I can remember, I've poured all the hard work needed for the best results. I give my very best in everything, I make sure that everything was given enough attention, that everything has just the right need. No putting too much sugar in the coffee, no cutting the paper more than an inch, no reading too little in my math book. I follow by the rules, and mostly put even more paint to make your damned canvas look nice. I always do.
And yet, as you pay your bills -- give even more than what is required, the cashier, of course, will have to give you your change. You gave her twenty dollars for a price of ten dollars, and then you get only a dollar back. And when you say that it's unfair, that she should be giving the exact change, all that is to be said is THERE IS NO MORE MONEY IN THE CASH REGISTER. You, being the innocent stupid payer, obviously, will not be able to do a thing. You aren't a magician to make money appear out of thin air, are you?
My whole life is basically like that. No matter how much I give effort into one thing, I am repaid with such little than I really should be getting. I'm really not being arrogant, greedy, or anything -- I know when what I'm doing isn't right. But to be honest, it sucks not getting the victory that you deserve. It depresses me that my life is just a trash can -- I only get the wrongs, the sufferings, the unfairness. The stabs of pain hurt even more when you see the lazy, careless ones get the trophy. The unneeded things, the excess from the perfects, are the ones given back to me.
I've long accepted the fact that life is unfair, and it always will be.
Saturday, February 18, 2017
I do not know why so many people are extremely frightened of me. They shiver and gasp at the slightest thought or sight of me. To be quite frank with you, I love the world and I appreciate the little unnoticeable beauty in all sorts of things. From the drops of snow on Christmas nights, to the scorching heat in the summer. I even like collecting stamps, if you'd believe.
Ever since the beginning of time, I was always treated as this insolent piece of dirt that gave chills to everyone as soon as they got over their problem and moved on with their life.
I am not to be feared at all.
If you'd notice, I am the cause of all your happiness. Without me, you'd never even smile or laugh. Remember, joy cannot proceed without despair. I was there with you during your crushing heartbreak, when your crush always failed to lay his eyes on you. I was there for you when you and your cousins would stay up late, creating puppet shows or when you'd have your cute pillow fights. I was also there when you'd close your eyes and take a break from all the rumpus in the world. And how am I repaid? Through ignorance, fear, and annoyance.
I am the darkness. I am feared because of my appearance, when you yourself never notice all the things that I have done just for you. I have been your friend when the world shut you out, I wiped your tears as they dried up on your pillow, I stayed up with you till the dawn, all to comfort you. I notice the beauty in you, I see the struggles you deal with, and I understand. I may not be able to communicate with you, but just look at me and you'll know that everything's going to be okay. I have understood life as a dangerous, cruel place, and trust me when I say that I, the darkness, am not the mastermind of this. I am not completely a foe, but I desire to be a friend. Welcome me into your life, and please don't be scared. I'll always be here for you.
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
"Oh My God, is that Trina? She is a total wreck." a whisper far beyond.
"I heard that she haunts little kids in their nightmares and kills all the birds that come to her branches," another voice distant.
"Ugh, she disgusts me. Let's just stay clear of her, we don't want any trouble from someone like that." Great, you saved yourselves some time from a useless pice of dirt.
The sunlight glimmers over my branches, as another worthless day is to go by. The cool drops of night kiss the few remaining leaves still stuck on my branches. I guess that even a tree as I myself would still have some sign of respect even at a situation like this. Oh no, Farmer Ace is coming. I just hate it when he comes over to water us. I'll become healthier, and eventually live a long life. Such a wicked deal.
Life. A bitter, irritating word. What does life have to offer? I've learned this lesson before, and I don't need anything else to confirm it. Being a tree sucks, alright. Just look at what I have to experience every damn day. I've got to house the birds, provide the daily needs for humans, act as a sponge for floods, the list goes on forever! And we, what do we trees get back in return?! Pollution, trash, landslides! Some trees are too weak to open up their eyes and say hello to reality, but I am not.
I don't care about the world anymore. Whatever's fed to me, I spit it out and return it. Don't you dare feed me dirt and expect me to produce glitter.
Aside from the word, there's something else that I hate. To be honest with you, I am so annoyed at this plant who's right next to me. We're not siblings, okay. We're not. He annoys me every single day with his jingles and random hums. Whatever creature planted that gremlin, I don't know. If I hate the world, that ruthless Pete is the opposite of me. He loves everything, from the microscopic ants walking on the ground, to the chit chattering voices of the farmers in the night. Hope that kid gets knocked out by the wind one day.
"Ooh, hello Trina! Isn't it a wonderful time for daydreaming!" Pete greets while stretching from a nap.
"Yeah, yeah whatever kid. You're gonna learn bout the world one day. I ain't giving a thought for you right now." I reply, rolling my eyes.
"Trina, don't be so pessimistic! You know the world's an amazing place, mom and dad always told ud that --"
"Shut up, Pete! I don't care what your mommy and daddy tell you! I hate the world, and I have never loved it, clear?"
"Trina --" he is cut off by a purring voice, squeaky and sassy.
"Well, well if it isn't the miserable Trina and her brother Pete," Ugh. It's Ynna and her gang of cats, here to start teasing me again.
"I don't have no brother." I grunt, trying to keep my distance from Pete.
"Yeah, yeah deny all you want, Trina. But I'm here to tell you this. Farmer Ace is going to chop you off tomorrow. I heard him speak with his wife just last night. And I agree with him!" says Ynna. "To be honest with you, I don't think you even deserve to be planted in that spot. Some other beautiful tree, a cherry blossom or a Wisteria, could take your place and no one would care or notice. Look around you -- everything's bursting with life and color and delight." she snorts out loud, but isn't finished. "I hate to break it to you, but, look at the mirror! You, stay in a majestic place like this? You, all coated in dull color of gray, branches all astray, and leaves so few and withered? You're even denying that you've got a family! You really don't deserve this, Trina. Guess death will be an easier character in the play for you," she says, and turns her back, leaving me at a loss for words. Her tail moves slowly behind her, as she giggles along with the other cats.
"Trina, don't listen to Ynna. We love you and --"
"Zip that mouth of yours Pete, I don't care." I say with a quiver, as I pull back the falling tears from my eyes. Don't cry, Trina. Crying is for the weak, the desperate, the hopeless. I close my eyes, and greet my only friend. At least the darkness was there for me when the world shut me out. When I wake up, this is just going to be another nightmare and I'll forget about it when I'm chopped off. I hope.
Now. . . tell me. . . is it my fault for feeling like this? For wanting to die, for wanting to disappear from this hell? I am already Cinderella's broken slipper, and no fairy godmother has the fix me. Leave me be, and you might be a big help.
All photos were taken from Pinterest and Wonderings of a Writer.