Almost every day of my life
As I wake up to greet the comforting blue sky,
Welcoming another day,
I cannot help but ask.
The world is breathtaking,
It's many colors and views
Every flower from each garden,
All the animals from different crews
Each attraction from all the countries,
People can be amazing,
They can be helpful,
They can let you laugh in the darkest of times
They can make you smile in your deepest despairs
They will give you memories to cherish and hold onto till death
They will make you feel beautiful,
Let you love yourself.
But. . .
Despite the rainbows,
The princesses and the nice tomorrows,
Why do they have to stop?
Why can't there be no last drop?
Why does the color have to be smeared,
With the shadows and harsh tears?
Why can we not stay,
In this continuing endless play?
Why do we need to frown,
To be sad because everything's down?
Why can't they all be nice?
Because I'm sure, our happiness would then be thrice.
I have lots of questions
But I am not rich with time,
I have lots of whys,
But I'll say this one before my very last rhyme
So answer me,
If you'd even dare or try.
Here it finally is,
No more exes and os
No more arrows and bows,
Because here I finally go,
Telling you with one straight blow.
I am hurt, I am broken, I am cursed.
Everything is evil.
I know, I've said it billions of times.
You've read it from every article in each and every line
But in this case,
There is no bright side.
There is no right,
Even if you string all your might.
So now you're probably wondering,
How did I say it was evil?
BECAUSE IT CREATED SUNSHINES,
IT TUCK ME TO SLEEP AND SANG A LULLABY,
IT GAVE ME PARENTS AND MY BIRTHRIGHT
IT LET ME SEE THE BEAUTY, THE WONDERS,
IT LOVED ME AND I ADORED IT
IT CREATED MAGIC, JOY, AND INDESCRIBABLE FEELINGS
IT GAVE ME DIAMONDS, GOLD
MORE THAN ANYTHING I'D EVER LIKE
BUT IN THE END,
IN THE END WHAT, WHAT DID IT DO?
IT DECEIVED, IT STAINED, IT WAS NOT TRUE
IT MADE THE PAIN SO MUCH WORSE
THAN THE HAPPINESS I THOUGHT WAS NOT BLUE
IT WAS BAIT,
IT KILLS, IT BREAKS, IT FAKES,
LEAVING ME ALONE TO CONTEMPLATE
I CRY IN THE NIGHT
HOPING, WISHING, PRAYING,
THAT MY PATHETIC LITTLE BEAM OF LIGHT
WOULD ERASE MY FRIGHT
TRYING TO ASSURE MYSELF,
THAT THIS WAS NOT RIGHT.
My dear happiness,
My smiles, and my dreams,
My hopes, and all my merry days
Why, why, why?
Do you laugh at my cries?
A chapter from my new book on Wattpad, Just Another Tear. Please do follow me, my username's @HermioneGranger004. It would mean the world if you did. 😊
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
Monday, April 17, 2017
I am nice.
I am loving, helpful, and kind
I am innocent
I adore the whole world
I love everyone
I like everything.
I am wicked
I accidentally release
The demons from the cage
I can despise you
Desire your death
I can be dangerous
And hope for your worst
I try to stop
I try to control
Stop being the wrong
And be a friendly soul
I try to shut up
I try closing my mouth
But my words have pierced a soul
And sorry ain't enough
I try to let things become better
But I then make things worse
I try making you smile
But I end up being sad
I have two faces.
Two sides, two traces
One is innocent, beautiful, and nice
Horrible, mean, and unrefined
I am sorry,
Sorry for every single thing
I am a monster,
Destructive and irresponsible
I am frightened just as you
Of what my other half
Can surprisingly do
A chapter from my new book on Wattpad, Just Another Tear. My username's HermioneGranger004. :)
Tuesday, February 21, 2017
My life is a trash can. It always has been, but I had never had the guts to say that it is true. But yes, it very much is.
All my life ever since I can remember, I've poured all the hard work needed for the best results. I give my very best in everything, I make sure that everything was given enough attention, that everything has just the right need. No putting too much sugar in the coffee, no cutting the paper more than an inch, no reading too little in my math book. I follow by the rules, and mostly put even more paint to make your damned canvas look nice. I always do.
And yet, as you pay your bills -- give even more than what is required, the cashier, of course, will have to give you your change. You gave her twenty dollars for a price of ten dollars, and then you get only a dollar back. And when you say that it's unfair, that she should be giving the exact change, all that is to be said is THERE IS NO MORE MONEY IN THE CASH REGISTER. You, being the innocent stupid payer, obviously, will not be able to do a thing. You aren't a magician to make money appear out of thin air, are you?
My whole life is basically like that. No matter how much I give effort into one thing, I am repaid with such little than I really should be getting. I'm really not being arrogant, greedy, or anything -- I know when what I'm doing isn't right. But to be honest, it sucks not getting the victory that you deserve. It depresses me that my life is just a trash can -- I only get the wrongs, the sufferings, the unfairness. The stabs of pain hurt even more when you see the lazy, careless ones get the trophy. The unneeded things, the excess from the perfects, are the ones given back to me.
I've long accepted the fact that life is unfair, and it always will be.
Saturday, February 18, 2017
I do not know why so many people are extremely frightened of me. They shiver and gasp at the slightest thought or sight of me. To be quite frank with you, I love the world and I appreciate the little unnoticeable beauty in all sorts of things. From the drops of snow on Christmas nights, to the scorching heat in the summer. I even like collecting stamps, if you'd believe.
Ever since the beginning of time, I was always treated as this insolent piece of dirt that gave chills to everyone as soon as they got over their problem and moved on with their life.
I am not to be feared at all.
If you'd notice, I am the cause of all your happiness. Without me, you'd never even smile or laugh. Remember, joy cannot proceed without despair. I was there with you during your crushing heartbreak, when your crush always failed to lay his eyes on you. I was there for you when you and your cousins would stay up late, creating puppet shows or when you'd have your cute pillow fights. I was also there when you'd close your eyes and take a break from all the rumpus in the world. And how am I repaid? Through ignorance, fear, and annoyance.
I am the darkness. I am feared because of my appearance, when you yourself never notice all the things that I have done just for you. I have been your friend when the world shut you out, I wiped your tears as they dried up on your pillow, I stayed up with you till the dawn, all to comfort you. I notice the beauty in you, I see the struggles you deal with, and I understand. I may not be able to communicate with you, but just look at me and you'll know that everything's going to be okay. I have understood life as a dangerous, cruel place, and trust me when I say that I, the darkness, am not the mastermind of this. I am not completely a foe, but I desire to be a friend. Welcome me into your life, and please don't be scared. I'll always be here for you.
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
"Oh My God, is that Trina? She is a total wreck." a whisper far beyond.
"I heard that she haunts little kids in their nightmares and kills all the birds that come to her branches," another voice distant.
"Ugh, she disgusts me. Let's just stay clear of her, we don't want any trouble from someone like that." Great, you saved yourselves some time from a useless pice of dirt.
The sunlight glimmers over my branches, as another worthless day is to go by. The cool drops of night kiss the few remaining leaves still stuck on my branches. I guess that even a tree as I myself would still have some sign of respect even at a situation like this. Oh no, Farmer Ace is coming. I just hate it when he comes over to water us. I'll become healthier, and eventually live a long life. Such a wicked deal.
Life. A bitter, irritating word. What does life have to offer? I've learned this lesson before, and I don't need anything else to confirm it. Being a tree sucks, alright. Just look at what I have to experience every damn day. I've got to house the birds, provide the daily needs for humans, act as a sponge for floods, the list goes on forever! And we, what do we trees get back in return?! Pollution, trash, landslides! Some trees are too weak to open up their eyes and say hello to reality, but I am not.
I don't care about the world anymore. Whatever's fed to me, I spit it out and return it. Don't you dare feed me dirt and expect me to produce glitter.
Aside from the word, there's something else that I hate. To be honest with you, I am so annoyed at this plant who's right next to me. We're not siblings, okay. We're not. He annoys me every single day with his jingles and random hums. Whatever creature planted that gremlin, I don't know. If I hate the world, that ruthless Pete is the opposite of me. He loves everything, from the microscopic ants walking on the ground, to the chit chattering voices of the farmers in the night. Hope that kid gets knocked out by the wind one day.
"Ooh, hello Trina! Isn't it a wonderful time for daydreaming!" Pete greets while stretching from a nap.
"Yeah, yeah whatever kid. You're gonna learn bout the world one day. I ain't giving a thought for you right now." I reply, rolling my eyes.
"Trina, don't be so pessimistic! You know the world's an amazing place, mom and dad always told ud that --"
"Shut up, Pete! I don't care what your mommy and daddy tell you! I hate the world, and I have never loved it, clear?"
"Trina --" he is cut off by a purring voice, squeaky and sassy.
"Well, well if it isn't the miserable Trina and her brother Pete," Ugh. It's Ynna and her gang of cats, here to start teasing me again.
"I don't have no brother." I grunt, trying to keep my distance from Pete.
"Yeah, yeah deny all you want, Trina. But I'm here to tell you this. Farmer Ace is going to chop you off tomorrow. I heard him speak with his wife just last night. And I agree with him!" says Ynna. "To be honest with you, I don't think you even deserve to be planted in that spot. Some other beautiful tree, a cherry blossom or a Wisteria, could take your place and no one would care or notice. Look around you -- everything's bursting with life and color and delight." she snorts out loud, but isn't finished. "I hate to break it to you, but, look at the mirror! You, stay in a majestic place like this? You, all coated in dull color of gray, branches all astray, and leaves so few and withered? You're even denying that you've got a family! You really don't deserve this, Trina. Guess death will be an easier character in the play for you," she says, and turns her back, leaving me at a loss for words. Her tail moves slowly behind her, as she giggles along with the other cats.
"Trina, don't listen to Ynna. We love you and --"
"Zip that mouth of yours Pete, I don't care." I say with a quiver, as I pull back the falling tears from my eyes. Don't cry, Trina. Crying is for the weak, the desperate, the hopeless. I close my eyes, and greet my only friend. At least the darkness was there for me when the world shut me out. When I wake up, this is just going to be another nightmare and I'll forget about it when I'm chopped off. I hope.
Now. . . tell me. . . is it my fault for feeling like this? For wanting to die, for wanting to disappear from this hell? I am already Cinderella's broken slipper, and no fairy godmother has the fix me. Leave me be, and you might be a big help.
All photos were taken from Pinterest and Wonderings of a Writer.
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
Well, today I figured that I want to keep a daily habit of writing at least one short story everyday. I didn't do this solely because of Valentines -- the annoying day of hearts just really had to match up with my own schedule. Anywho, since it's that disgusting month of love and chocolates, I will do my best at giving a very short love story. It's not a good one though, so if you hate sad endings, go away and don't dare come back.
Once upon a time, hidden in the woods beyond where the owls hooted in chorus and the moon illuminated the sky, was a tiny flame currently in grave need of water. Most types of fire would instantly die at the slightest drop of liquid, but this flame was different, since she needed something cool for herself to survive. It was a genetical mistake, her parents would always say.
On the exact same day of the flame in need, a bucket of water was walking along the leafy path when he noticed the unique light of fire, shining and blazing in the beautiful black sky. She was panting and sweating, her eyes scanning the forest with panic. Being a cool liquid, the water suddenly felt himelf go hot, as he ran towards the flame with his heart beating louder than ever.
"Hello there, miss!" he chirped with gleeful eyes.
"Hola. . ." the flame replied lightly.
"Well, you sure look like you've got a problem. What's the matter?" he asked innocently. The flame took a deep breath and looked the water in the eye.
"I-I. . . I can't breathe anymore, I think I - I'm about to say goodbye to the world," sputtered the flame with hot tears of lava.
"Say goodbye? Does that mean you're about to be die?"
"Sorry, I - I can't live without water. I'm a-a different type of flame, you see. I need just a little to keep myself healthy." The water looked at himself with amusement. He was water, and if he gave himself to the flame, she'd live. But then. . . what about hisself? Pushing away the thought, the water approached the sobbing flame and whispered silently, so quiet that not a single animal in the planet would be able to hear. It took a lot of nerve and courage, but when he was in the securing warmth of the fire, the choice felt so right. Just so right.
"Don't worry, flame. I'm going to give myself to you. Stop crying, you'll stay alive. I'm right here." he hushed her up and made her relax. The water was so scared at this idea. He felt wreckless, and hadn't even thought of his decision very well. But the flame seemed in such a great need, and she made the water's heart come to life, as though nothing else in the world had mattered.
"Water, no! If you give yourself --" It was too late for words. The water splashed onto the flame, as the flame sprang to joy at the relief she now felt. The flame bursted in smoke, now healthy, but alone with no water.
"Water. . ." the flame cried out. She looked at herself, and bowed her head in depression.
"It didn't have to be like this," she yelled out to no one in particular. She felt stupid and alone, it felt worse than being dehydrated.
"I'll never forget you!" she shouted so loudly that all the birds in every tree flew away.
The flame was true to her word. Five years after, she had a husband, a flame just as herself. But if it weren't for the water that sacrificed itself, she would not open her eyes to still be able to be alive at a time like this. It was the greatest sacrifice yet.
This is once again another lesson for us all that water cannot fall in love with fire. For one reason, they don't go together, and they will kill each other. Love won't stop you from killing each other to death, alright. (I know this thought has nothing to do with the story, but you get it.) Love is putting the needs of another before yours, and I as Athena Cat doubt that love will not at all hurt. This is reality, I assume. Nothing is permanent, and there is no such a thing as forever.
Photos are from Pinterest, Google Images, or Wonderings of a Writer.
Sunday, February 12, 2017
Last year ago today, I found myself in a trap, a dream that bothered me for the rest of my life and drove me madder than anything. Last year ago today, you interfered, and I am realizing right now what a big effect you've left to me. I don't want to blurt out too much, but well, here goes.
-THE EFFECT OF YOU- The outcomes of a storm you caused.
1. Right after dreaming of you last year, I tried ignoring it, but when the dreams wouldn't stop and they kept coming back. . . I hate to say it so, but I became hungrier for the dreams, wanting to see you each time my eyes would close and welcome the darkness.
2. Because of you, I became so interested in dreams. I began studying the different types of dreams, I even started a dream dictionary (which, tbh, didn't really last for long), and I became inclined to dreamcatchers and all that stuff.
3. It wasn't easy for those wrtched dreams of you to just anchor be down the bottom. No, not at all. But when I DID fall, it was deeper, deeper than any ocean or any great sea in this world. And after that, Perfecting A Princess was made. I have to say that that wonderful story by myself changed a bit of my life, and of course, all roads lead to you for starting the whole thing.
4. I started stalking you then, and that also drove me mad. You had these other two girls on your Facebook cover photo, and I so hate to admit that. . . I, Athena Cat. . . would actually get jealous. Being a Scorpio, it's all normal and I'm usually very jealous towards other things, but I can bury it low enough to have the illusion to others and myself that I am not. But with you. . . things are just really. . . different?
5. This is the worst one of all, and if you're wondering, the aftershocks you've left are so much more than these five listed in here. I hate to call it obsession or addiction, but I cannot believe that I'm about to say this. I had a notebook. Pink, with purple and white diamond patterns. I keep it very hidden in my closet unless anyone sees my darkest secret. I actually had a notebook that was supposed to hold all my blog posts about you, unsent letters to you, the priceless dreams I had of you, and the teeny tiny thoughts bothering me, also nothing but you.
I currently feel so sad right now, and I think that's because it's Sunday night. The thought of school bothers me so. I'm reading King's Cage by Victoria Aveyard, and I'm not denying that, maybe just a little, I thought of you as well. The emptiness drained me down by studying, and so I quit that (Would you actually believe that Athena Cat quit just for this?) just to write this all down.
Sometimes, most particularly right now, I can't help but wonder and think. I'm prohibiting myself at all costs to say that the cause of my emptiness is love, and to be honest, I am not, and won't believe that excuse. I just really think that sometimes, I'm not living life at all. Always, I live in a fictional, fantasy world of my own, which I know with all my heart can never be true. And as the stupid girl that I am, I still have the guts to feel depressed or blank or annoyed, or anything negative, when it's already turning out that I am running away from my problems.
I feel confused more than ever right now, especially with the Red Queen series twisting itself into my life, another story rotting, or maybe, benefiting, my brain. I'm so confused with life, and I can't balance this all out. School, family, friends high expectations, dreams, and the HAPPINESS. I don't know if I can take this anymore.
Yes, this is another pathetic unsent letter to you. I know very well that the word 'us', is a nothing but a mere daydream and is beyond impossible. But now, I think I won't ever like any one else the way I did with you. I know, these words kill me for being so sugary, but I can't help but declare that yes, they are true. And again, I've spilled a portion of my secrets and fears to nothing but dead air and a universe extremely out of the question.
I shall and can only see you as nothing more than a dream.
Photos from Pinterest and Google Images
Monday, February 06, 2017
It is Februaryyy! Yahoo. NOT.
So far, the whole month for me has been jinxed. Sugarcoated stuff are everywhere, cheezy pick up lines surround me, the characters in the books I read are just drawn together, and during my other day at school, I dropped my food and then a frisbee attacked me! What a wonderful world we have, eh?
Anywho, our trip to Baguio just happened yestserday! I have to admit that this wasn't as fun as our trip to Tagaytay. I even felt so out of place last Saturday, that I secretly cried in the bathroom. Being Athena Cat is just a huge disability, and I have to admit that I haven't FULLY built or brought back the past with my family.
I don't usually have the richness of time, but since we got home by 11 last night, my parents didn't let me go to school today so that I could rest. And now, I have time to write this very random blog post of things that won't concern the rest of the planet!
I just finished reading Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard today, AND IT IS ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF ALL TIME. I cannot explain how it made me feel -- annoyed, but so in love and captivated at the same time. If anyone's curious, I'M SHIPPING MARE WITH CAL.
It's 3 pm right now, and I'm quite worried for school. I'm afraid of the requirements I've missed, and the stress that it is to bring. Currently, I am also worrying about our CL/VE Slam Poetry presentation tomorrow. Ughhh.
Help me out with life, cause this girl is stressed out. 😂😂😂
All Pictures were taken from Google Images.
Sunday, January 22, 2017
Helloooo. It's been a couple of weeks ever since the Tagaytay trip, and I really had so much fun there. I also had another dream of you last Monday, and I now realize that it's always such a priceless moment whenever I get to see you. A story is even playing out in my head, about a girl who could communicate with the dead. But anywho, that's another chapter.
I'm writing to you today because I need your help. It's really strange, since I have no kind of confirmation at all that you're even reading this or seeing me right now as I type these very words. I never listen or believe in my heart, but with this situation, I'm purely relying on it and on my belief that your very eyes are dancing through the sentences, word per word, letter by letter.
For the past few days, mom and Aunt Jen have been planning for the family trip to Baguio. Everything is settled. Everyone was free, and everyone said that they would be able to go. But when Aunt Jen asked for the last call, grandma suddenly said no. Mom talked to her on the phone, and she said that it kind of offended her when she was asked that question. Mom successfully convinced her to say yes, and so mom called up Aunt Jen to say that the trip would push through. But after that, Aunt Jen spoke with grandma, and she changed her mind and said no once again.
I really really hoped that everything was going to be settled last night, and I even did a super awesome lettering of Baguio in my planner! I'm feeling crushed, and I do not want to let this opportunity go to waste. Dada, please help me out. I have a plan of talking to grandma later on the phone, so that she'd say yes to Baguio. Mom says that grandma would definitely say yes because I'm her only granddaughter, and grandchild that doesn't live with her.
In my opinion, I think that this plan will definitely succeed. But I need your help, because I might get tongue tied while talking to her, or I might lose track of what I'm about to say. You do know that between you and grandma, I was very much closer with you. Anyways, I understand that grandma is being quite a drama queen with this, because I know that she's old and, er old people are like that, right?
Aunt Jen is calling the whole plan off by 11 am, and I'm quite worried because it's already 10:17, and I still cannot contact her because Dad's working, and I need his phone to talk to her. But I think that even though she says yes and it's already 12 pm, the plan will still go through. Aunt Jen has to book a room for us already, and she has to do it asap, because a lot of people are visiting Baguio as well. But I am not taking no for an answer, and I need to convince my grandmother.
Help me out please. God, also hear my prayer. My cousin's already got a girlfriend! We are already growing up, and I'm beginning to realize that I only have a few years left to spend with my family -- with me still being a kid! I want to make more beautiful memories, and I'm starting to ignore the over thinking, awkwardness, or scary situations that may come. Because in this situation, I am truly starting to look at the positive and bright side. I miss the old days, and I want to rebuild the past.
I love you Dada, and I miss you. I hope you read this letter and help me out.
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Hey. It's quite weird addressing you to your real name, or well, a shortcut of your real name. But still, it's an improvement though.
I've written a lot of things about you -- thoughts, wonderings, stories, and unsent letters -- and ever since February 12, 2016, a single day hasn't went by without me thinking about you. It's 2017 already, and I haven't had one dream of you yet for this year. I really miss dreaming of you.
I had a lot of time for writing Perfecting a Princess these past three days, because our issuance of report cards at school happened this Friday, and we didn't have classes. I miss my characters in the story, and I always remember you when I continue writing. (Currently, I've just finished Chapter 18 and Perfecting a Princess will be celebrating its anniversary this summer.) I'm also very sad because now, I can't stalk you because your posts have gone private. Ugh.
I don't really have anything very important to tell you right now. I just miss my dreams of you, and sometimes, I seriously pray for you. Hope you're doing well, and hope I see you again in my dreams.
Friday, January 06, 2017
Hello!!!! Although my greeting seems quite cheerful, I literally have so much mixed emotions today, and I really don't know if I'm happy or sad. As I write these very words here at the dinner table, I really don't feel anything.
Anyways, let me begin telling you what happened to me for the past two days! There were exactly 2 highlights yesterday, and those were; 1) I had such a great time chatting with Aunt Jen on Facebook, and 2) I kept on crying last night since I had the blues! Christmas break came to a sad end, and I really didn't want to go to school today. And for today, there are three good and bad things that happened to me. 1) I feel out of place with Emma and her friend Lexae! 2) THE TRIP TO TAGAYTAY IS GOING TO BE CONTINUED! 3) Me and my parents fought awhile ago because we might be late in going to Tagaytay.
Once again, I went inside my closet with the darkness and cried very badly. Good luck to me, and I hope that 2017 won't be as bad as 2016.
Written On: January 4, 2017