But I, Athena Cat, have just proven that yes, it truly is possible for normal human beings to experience this at such a happy and festive month. Before I go on to the point of all this, let me say that I rarely ever have fights with my friends. Like, ever. My first and latest fight with two of my friends happened back in 2014! I am not a type of person who to seriously fights with their friends, and to be honest, I'm a really really good friend! I'm not bragging or anything, but I always give such great advide to my squad when they're at their lowest, and I've always always got their back (THEM? NOT SO MUCH!). I'm the kind of friend who just likes having fun, goofing off, and being silly. I live life, peoplesss!
Moving on, I feel so depressed because me and one of my closest friends have not been in good terms for a week now. We've been friends since SECOND GRADE! 😭 And I just really really want us to be great friends again, and seeing her hanging out with other people and smiling as though nothing happened makes me feel as though she's better off without me, and that she's happier right now. 😭😭😭
Our field trip is on the 4th of this Novemeber, and after Semestral break, we'll have one regular school day, and then we'll be having the trip. In my section, my bestest friends are Emma and Scarlette, whom I have also been friends with last school year, but we're actually a lot closer now. And like everyone knows, three is a crowd! Talk about needing to pair up in school activities!
Well, one day after practicing for our foundation day celebration, me and Scarlette sat beside each other in the classroom. Here is our horrible, horrible, horrible conversation about the field trip.
Scarlette: So, what are we going to do for the field trip? Who are you gonna sit next to?
(And of course, since I am a writer, I can't help but put a little description to her voice and facial expressions, so let's pretend you're reading a book now, shall we?) she says, her voice just like always, tough yet affectionate. I look with confidence but worry a little, for the fact that she doesn't know yet. . .
Athena: Me and Emma are already buddies,
(Buddies means seatmates for the field trip since that's what we call it, but I don't mean buddies, like besties or friends okay) I reply blankly, trying to make it look like it's no big deal.
Scarlette: Huh? When have you talked about it? she says with a little shake in her voice.
Athena: I can't remember, it was a long time ago. I think it was in August, when you just came home from your trip to Korea, I reply, knowing in my head that this was going to be a normal conversation, that we'd both be laughing and chatting away in an hour later. But as I wait for a reply, she repays me with dead silence. This was the loudest silence in my life, it hurt my ears and made my eyes water.
Athena: I didn't know that you were annoyed at Lilly when me and Emma talked about it -- I reply back with numbness and no feelings at all as she cuts me off.
Scarlette: You two are so mean! You didn't even tell me about it! she cries out, with a little scary, painful, depressed laugh in the mixture.
Athena: But we didn't know that you were annoyed at Lilly --
Scarlette: I told you then! You knew already! she fights back, hurt and fighting.
Athena: No, we didn't. You didn't tell --
Scarlette: But you asked her, didn't you? Scarlette asks with her depressed eyes staring deeply into mine. I remain quiet, not knowing what she meant.
Scarlette: Didn't you???! she repeats.
Athena: Well yeah, I did, but --
Scarlette: Then you did! and then that was that. I sat there, acting like nothing was wrong, but yes, I felt all mixed up inside, too many emotions stirring, all at the same time, all hitting me at once, activating my numb expression.
*After a minute, which seemed like a year,*
Athena: Sooo, what are we gonna do?
Scarlette: I'M THINKING ABOUT IT! she replies really loudly, letting me lean on the wall and just give her some space. I had no clue that that was the last I'd hear from her. That that little thing was the end of the whole thing.
This fight happened on a Wednesday, and later that day, I told Emma all about it, and came up with a solution for the seating arrangements. But still, Scarlette blamed me, and got mad at me, BUT IS IN PERFECTLY GOOD TERMS WITH EMMA. Isn't life just a whirlwind of beauty and peace?
Anyways, I spoke with Chezka (a close friend of Scarlette's) during our dry run and guess what just happened.
*talking about some random stuff, etc., etc.*
Chezka: Hey, I heard that you and Scarlette aren't good,
Athena: Not good? Why? What did she say? (Because as I remember, we were just having an argument! Not a big serious fight with ignoring! I do NOT like fighting, and I am not USED to fighting!)
Chezka: She told me all about it, and even told me that she felt like crying, I stay quiet for a while, just feeling numb and at the verge of seriously wanting to abandon this planet. I then tell Chezka all about it, my opinion, and how Scarlette balmed me, and got mad at me.
When Saturday came, we still had practices for the foundation day but I wasn't able to go because of a family reunion. My bestest friend in the whole wild world (who I know will never treat me like how Scarlette did!), Candy, told me something that shattered my already broken self even more. (How can you break what's already broken? -_-)
Candy: Hey Scarlette, do you know where Athena is?
Scarlette: Nahh, she probably didn't go to school since she's always lazy,
Candy: *suddenly remembers I've got a fam thing* Oh, I remember she's got a family reunion at their house today,
Scarlette: Ugh, they always have family reunions
Say hello to an even more broken Athena! I LOVE THE WORLDDDDDDD!
First of all, this whole thing was nobody's fault between me, Emma, and Scarlette. It wasn't Scarlette's fault at all, even though she said nasty things, because I clearly know that she just felt really sad and she couldn't control her emotions. It wasn't her fault to feel those kinds of things too, since she mostly feels out of place and sometimes gets left out with me and Emma, cause me and Emma have a closer bond, since we were closer last year (Scarlette had a different group of friends back then). But at the same time, you also can't blame me because when Emma told Scarlette the solutions I came up with, she didn't reply and still continued blaming me. And I didn't even know that she actually felt all of this stuff. This is what I mean about friendships. Scarlette is kinda immature for not expressing her thoughts with us. Staying quiet and letting other people guess what you want to happen is for little kids! It's all just so childish that it annoys me for someone to be that ridiculous.
My theory is that Scarlette really wanted to sit next to me in the field trip. She also asked me pretty early in August, but I wanted to sit next to Emma. When I suggested my other ideas in the past, she rejected them, and I knew that she really wanted us two to be buddies. But I guess that that's all gone now! And even with sending a super long apology message to her, she still won't do anything in real life.
During early October, I already asked my dad for some help on this situation, and he said that I should do what I wanted, and let Scarlette sit next to who she had to sit next to. He meant that I shouldn't follow what other people wanted, and I should listen to myself. I knew that this was great advice, but after actually seeing Scarlette's deepest side (Yes, this is the first time I've seen her act like this. Scarlette's practically Sam from iCarly, and she's really tough.) and realizing how unfair me and Emma can be to her (because as I've said, she mostly gets left out. Three is a crowd 😞), I felt the need and want to be her partner for the trip. To be honest, for a person who understands people a lot just like me, I really changed my mind with this situation. I felt like I've unlocked another human in my personality notebook. Just so you know, I'm rarely like that.
I keep on facing the unreal matter that I think Scarlette and I will still, somehow, find a way to repair these broken stiches. Does fighting really matter more than the joy of being friends? Would you rather give up all those smiles and laughs for what? A misunderstanding?! If Scarlette does do that, then that would mean that she was faking all the good times we used to have, since she's such a pro at forgetting it and abandoning it, because I know, and she knows, and we know that our friendship wasn't just something. It wasn't just another piece of paper with lines on it, or another pencil that could write with the same shade -- no, it was different, and when things are extraordinary, you'd be so stupid to just throw it away. These are the things that keep you going in life. This is the reason of why, despite all the depression and stress and anger, you see through the darkness -- and then, and only then will you discover true beauty.
Whatever happens, I just hope that the Scarlette situation gets fixed, since I love her so much, I love my friends all so much, and I hate fighting. I just want everything to go back as it used to be. I know that nothing's impossible with God, so I ask for his guidance and help.