Julian and Alexandria

EDIT 

May 8, 2018

May 15, 2018

CHAPTER EIGHT - s p a r k s

I quickly yelled I HATE JULIAN FOSTER in the cafeteria, before scampering to my table. This caused Julian to be scolded by the principal herself, and more pity points/sympathetic looks for me.

But the guilt had dawned on me by the end of the day, when I found myself snugly wrapped around Tyler's arms. I quickly diminished it, shrugged it off my shoulder, reminding myself that whoever Julian was, he would not go beyond the borderlines of friendship. 

Platonic, and nothing more.

"Xandriaaa!" he beamed, a little awkward at the slightest of contact but adorable nonetheless. "I missed you so much!" 

"I missed you too, Tyler!" I choke out the words. It's been a month and I've seen him, MY BOYFRIEND only now.

"So how's your summer been?" I ask.

"Nothing new. Played video games from day to night, and slept until five am." he mused. I couldn't help but smile at his high level of maturity.

"So, I take it that I'm still dropping you home?" he quips. I sigh, not because I'm not allowed to drive yet, but because the only reason I came to see him was due to a car ride.

"Yeah. You know my mom; she still won't let me drive until I'm fifty six." he nods in understanding at my all but true joke and starts the engine. 

"Ria!" a deep voice calls out. My eyes flick to the corner to see a boy in a green hoodie. 

"Julian. You're the only one who calls me Ria, you know?" I chuckle, eyeing the two ice cream cones in his hand. 

"Yes, and I still don't care about that. You want some ice cream?" he offers.

"Well yeah, but --" 

"Okay, you can have this one." he hands me the chocolatey treat and I gape at him.

"This is free? I don't have to pay you or do something in return?" I question. Out of the short time span I've known Julian, not once have I caught a time where he was GENUINELY kind. This was definitely a start. 

"You didn't have to!" I say, a small patch of pink forming on my cheeks. Julian rolled his eyes. 

"The cone's already in your hands. Might as well eat it." 

"Julian --" he shuts me up by pushing my hand and making a tiny portion of the chocolate ice cream go to my face. I gasp. 

"Oh no you did not. . . "

"I just did." 

I growl and take off after him, hungry for revenge. 

"Come back here, Julian, or I'm legitimately gonna kill you!" I warn. 

- - -

Ynna Heart's POV

Sunlight crept to the crevice of Rutherford High's gray cemented steps. The lowly creatures I call as my schoolmates ran off and about in different directions. 

I clutched the tiny pen around my fingers, trying to paint a portrait of this very afternoon -- trying to translate this image in front of me into words. Trying to describe the masked smile Tyler Brann had when he started the engine and when his eyes -- his warm, brown, almond eyes wandered to the girl of his dreams chasing some guy. 

Some guy.

He slouched in his seat and concentrated on the floor, the floor that always seemed to be there when people wished to forget the miserable facts of reality.

I felt someone take a seat beside me, and on instinct, my hand automatically closed around the notebook's cover and I hid it away in my backpack.

"Hey Ynna!" 

"Paige! Nice to see you!" I all but spilled the words in one, rushed hurry. My vision stayed on the three people in front, and Paige was definitely one to see what was going on. 

"Ah. Love." she drawled lazily.

"I don't know what's happening with Alexandria." I pondered. IT'S LIKE SHE'S FORGOTTEN ABOUT TYLER.

"Tyler and Xandria just don't have that spark anymore. It's gone, it's extinguished." she responds. THE SPARK HAS FLEW OFF FOR ANOTHER BOY.

"Do you ship them?" I inquired.

"Do you?" 

"Absoloutely not." I spat, as Paige burst into a quick chuckle. 

"We've known Alexandria since sixth grade. Whatever choice she makes, it'll be for the best. And if she messes up, she'll fix things." I pursed my lips and nodded in agreement. Sometimes, Xandria was just an oblivious, oblivious girl.

- - -

a u t h o r ' s    n o t e

Hello, people! I loved writing this chapter so much, because I put a lot of effort in this one. I especially loved going inside Ynna's head, and I felt that she was sooo like Jughead Jones from Riverdale! Drama is building up! I wonder what will happen next.

Why?

Why?
Almost every day of my life
As I wake up to greet the comforting blue sky,
Welcoming another day,
Another chance,
I cannot help but ask.
Why?

•••

The world is breathtaking,
It's many colors and views
Every flower from each garden,
All the animals from different crews
Each attraction from all the countries,
Priceless moments,
Unforgettable sights.

•••

People can be amazing,
They can be helpful,
Humans --
They can let you laugh in the darkest of times
They can make you smile in your deepest despairs
They will give you memories to cherish and hold onto till death
They will make you feel beautiful,
Let you love yourself.

•••

But. . .
why?

•••

Despite the rainbows,
The princesses and the nice tomorrows,
Why do they have to stop?
Why can't there be no last drop?
Why does the color have to be smeared,
With the shadows and harsh tears?
Why can we not stay,
In this continuing endless play?
Why do we need to frown,
To be sad because everything's down?
Why can't they all be nice?
Because I'm sure, our happiness would then be thrice.

•••

I have lots of questions
But I am not rich with time,
I have lots of whys,
But I'll say this one before my very last rhyme
So answer me,
Universe,
World,
Humans,
Brain
If you'd even dare or try.


•••

Here it finally is,
No more exes and os
No more arrows and bows,
Because here I finally go,
Telling you with one straight blow.
I am hurt, I am broken, I am cursed.
Everything is evil.
I know, I've said it billions of times.
You've read it from every article in each and every line
But in this case,
There is no bright side.
There is no right,
Even if you string all your might.

•••

So now you're probably wondering,
How did I say it was evil?

•••

BECAUSE IT CREATED SUNSHINES,
IT TUCK ME TO SLEEP AND SANG A LULLABY,
IT GAVE ME PARENTS AND MY BIRTHRIGHT
IT LET ME SEE THE BEAUTY, THE WONDERS,
IT LOVED ME AND I ADORED IT
IT CREATED MAGIC, JOY, AND INDESCRIBABLE FEELINGS
IT GAVE ME DIAMONDS, GOLD
MORE THAN ANYTHING I'D EVER LIKE
BUT IN THE END,
IN THE END WHAT, WHAT DID IT DO?
IT DECEIVED, IT STAINED, IT WAS NOT TRUE
IT MADE THE PAIN SO MUCH WORSE
THAN THE HAPPINESS I THOUGHT WAS NOT BLUE
IT WAS BAIT,
IT KILLS, IT BREAKS, IT FAKES,
LEAVING ME ALONE TO CONTEMPLATE
I CRY IN THE NIGHT
HOPING, WISHING, PRAYING,
THAT MY PATHETIC LITTLE BEAM OF LIGHT
WOULD ERASE MY FRIGHT
TRYING TO ASSURE MYSELF,
THAT THIS WAS NOT RIGHT.

•••

My dear happiness,
My love,
My smiles, and my dreams,
My hopes, and all my merry days
Why, why, why?
Do you laugh at my cries?

•••

A chapter from my new book on Wattpad, Just Another Tear. Please do follow me, my username's @HermioneGranger004. It would mean the world if you did. 😊

My Other Half

Sometimes,
I am nice.
I am loving, helpful, and kind
I am innocent
I adore the whole world
I love everyone
I like everything.

•••

Sometimes,
I am wicked
I accidentally release
The demons from the cage
I can despise you
Desire your death
I can be dangerous
And hope for your worst

•••

I try to stop
I try to control
Stop being the wrong
And be a friendly soul
I try to shut up
I try closing my mouth
But my words have pierced a soul
And sorry ain't enough
I try to let things become better
But I then make things worse
I try making you smile
But I end up being sad

•••

I have two faces.
Two sides, two traces
One is innocent, beautiful, and nice
The other,
Horrible, mean, and unrefined

•••

I am sorry,
Sorry for every single thing
I am a monster,
Destructive and irresponsible
I am frightened just as you
Of what my other half
Can surprisingly do

•••


A chapter from my new book on Wattpad, Just Another Tear. My username's HermioneGranger004. :) 

My Life is a Trash Can.

My life is a trash can. It always has been, but I had never had the guts to say that it is true. But yes, it very much is. 

     All my life ever since I can remember, I've poured all the hard work needed for the best results. I give my very best in everything, I make sure that everything was given enough attention, that everything has just the right need. No putting too much sugar in the coffee, no cutting the paper more than an inch, no reading too little in my math book. I follow by the rules, and mostly put even more paint to make your damned canvas look nice. I always do. 

     And yet, as you pay your bills -- give even more than what is required, the cashier, of course, will have to give you your change. You gave her twenty dollars for a price of ten dollars, and then you get only a dollar back. And when you say that it's unfair, that she should be giving the exact change, all that is to be said is THERE IS NO MORE MONEY IN THE CASH REGISTER. You, being the innocent stupid payer, obviously, will not be able to do a thing. You aren't a magician to make money appear out of thin air, are you?

     My whole life is basically like that. No matter how much I give effort into one thing, I am repaid with such little than I really should be getting. I'm really not being arrogant, greedy, or anything -- I know when what I'm doing isn't right. But to be honest, it sucks not getting the victory that you deserve. It depresses me that my life is just a trash can -- I only get the wrongs, the sufferings, the unfairness. The stabs of pain hurt even more when you see the lazy, careless ones get the trophy. The unneeded things, the excess from the perfects, are the ones given back to me. 

     I've long accepted the fact that life is unfair, and it always will be.

Feared

I do not know why so many people are extremely frightened of me. They shiver and gasp at the slightest thought or sight of me. To be quite frank with you, I love the world and I appreciate the little unnoticeable beauty in all sorts of things. From the drops of snow on Christmas nights, to the scorching heat in the summer. I even like collecting stamps, if you'd believe. 

Photo Creds to Pinterest, Wonderings of a Writer, Typorama

     Ever since the beginning of time, I was always treated as this insolent piece of dirt that gave chills to everyone as soon as they got over their problem and moved on with their life.

     I am not to be feared at all. 

     If you'd notice, I am the cause of all your happiness. Without me, you'd never even smile or laugh. Remember, joy cannot proceed without despair. I was there with you during your crushing heartbreak, when your crush always failed to lay his eyes on you. I was there for you when you and your cousins would stay up late, creating puppet shows or when you'd have your cute pillow fights. I was also there when you'd close your eyes and take a break from all the rumpus in the world. And how am I repaid? Through ignorance, fear, and annoyance. 

Photo Creds to Pinterest

      I am the darkness. I am feared because of my appearance, when you yourself never notice all the things that I have done just for you. I have been your friend when the world shut you out, I wiped your tears as they dried up on your pillow, I stayed up with you till the dawn, all to comfort you. I notice the beauty in you, I see the struggles you deal with, and I understand. I may not be able to communicate with you, but just look at me and you'll know that everything's going to be okay. I have understood life as a dangerous, cruel place, and trust me when I say that I, the darkness, am not the mastermind of this. I am not completely a foe, but I desire to be a friend. Welcome me into your life, and please don't be scared. I'll always be here for you.

Photo Creds to Pinterest, Editing to Wonderings of a Writer and Typorama 

The Story of Trina: Part I

"Oh My God, is that Trina? She is a total wreck." a whisper far beyond.

"I heard that she haunts little kids in their nightmares and kills all the birds that come to her branches," another voice distant.

"Ugh, she disgusts me. Let's just stay clear of her, we don't want any trouble from someone like that." Great, you saved yourselves some time from a useless pice of dirt.

Photo Creds to Pinterest, Wonderings of a Writer, Typorama

     The sunlight glimmers over my branches, as another worthless day is to go by. The cool drops of night kiss the few remaining leaves still stuck on my branches. I guess that even a tree as I myself would still have some sign of respect even at a situation like this. Oh no, Farmer Ace is coming. I just hate it when he comes over to water us. I'll become healthier, and eventually live a long life. Such a wicked deal. 

    Life. A bitter, irritating word. What does life have to offer? I've learned this lesson before, and I don't need anything else to confirm it. Being a tree sucks, alright. Just look at what I have to experience every damn day. I've got to house the birds, provide the daily needs for humans, act as a sponge for floods, the list goes on forever! And we, what do we trees get back in return?! Pollution, trash, landslides! Some trees are too weak to open up their eyes and say hello to reality, but I am not.

    I don't care about the world anymore. Whatever's fed to me, I spit it out and return it. Don't you dare feed me dirt and expect me to produce glitter.

     Aside from the word, there's something else that I hate. To be honest with you, I am so annoyed at this plant who's right next to me. We're not siblings, okay. We're not. He annoys me every single day with his jingles and random hums. Whatever creature planted that gremlin, I don't know. If I hate the world, that ruthless Pete is the opposite of me. He loves everything, from the microscopic ants walking on the ground, to the chit chattering voices of the farmers in the night. Hope that kid gets knocked out by the wind one day. 

"Ooh, hello Trina! Isn't it a wonderful time for daydreaming!" Pete greets while stretching from a nap. 

"Yeah, yeah whatever kid. You're gonna learn bout the world one day. I ain't giving a thought for you right now." I reply, rolling my eyes. 

"Trina, don't be so pessimistic! You know the world's an amazing place, mom and dad always told ud that --" 

"Shut up, Pete! I don't care what your mommy and daddy tell you! I hate the world, and I have never loved it, clear?" 

"Trina --" he is cut off by a purring voice, squeaky and sassy.

"Well, well if it isn't the miserable Trina and her brother Pete," Ugh. It's Ynna and her gang of cats, here to start teasing me again. 

"I don't have no brother." I grunt, trying to keep my distance from Pete.

"Yeah, yeah deny all you want, Trina. But I'm here to tell you this. Farmer Ace is going to chop you off tomorrow. I heard him speak with his wife just last night. And I agree with him!" says Ynna. "To be honest with you, I don't think you even deserve to be planted in that spot. Some other beautiful tree, a cherry blossom or a Wisteria, could take your place and no one would care or notice. Look around you -- everything's bursting with life and color and delight." she snorts out loud, but isn't finished. "I hate to break it to you, but, look at the mirror! You, stay in a majestic place like this? You, all coated in dull color of gray, branches all astray, and leaves so few and withered? You're even denying that you've got a family! You really don't deserve this, Trina. Guess death will be an easier character in the play for you," she says, and turns her back, leaving me at a loss for words. Her tail moves slowly behind her, as she giggles along with the other cats. 

"Trina, don't listen to Ynna. We love you and --" 

"Zip that mouth of yours Pete, I don't care." I say with a quiver, as I pull back the falling tears from my eyes. Don't cry, Trina. Crying is for the weak, the desperate, the hopeless.  I close my eyes, and greet my only friend. At least the darkness was there for me when the world shut me out. When I wake up, this is just going to be another nightmare and I'll forget about it when I'm chopped off. I hope.

Photo Creds to Pinterest

     Now. . . tell me. . . is it my fault for feeling like this? For wanting to die, for wanting to disappear from this hell? I am already Cinderella's broken slipper, and no fairy godmother has the fix me. Leave me be, and you might be a big help.

Photo Creds to Pinterest, Wonderings of a Writer, and Typorama.

All photos were taken from Pinterest and Wonderings of a Writer.

The Greatest Sacrifice

     Well, today I figured that I want to keep a daily habit of writing at least one short story everyday. I didn't do this solely because of Valentines -- the annoying day of hearts just really had to match up with my own schedule. Anywho, since it's that disgusting month of love and chocolates, I will do my best at giving a very short love story. It's not a good one though, so if you hate sad endings, go away and don't dare come back. 

The Greatest Sacrifice By Athena Cat

     Once upon a time, hidden in the woods beyond where the owls hooted in chorus and the moon illuminated the sky, was a tiny flame currently in grave need of water. Most types of fire would instantly die at the slightest drop of liquid, but this flame was different, since she needed something cool for herself to survive. It was a genetical mistake, her parents would always say. 

Photo Creds to Pinterest 

     On the exact same day of the flame in need, a bucket of water was walking along the leafy path when he noticed the unique light of fire, shining and blazing in the beautiful black sky. She was panting and sweating, her eyes scanning the forest with panic. Being a cool liquid, the water suddenly felt himelf go hot, as he ran towards the flame with his heart beating louder than ever. 

"Hello there, miss!" he chirped with gleeful eyes.

"Hola. . ." the flame replied lightly. 

"Well, you sure look like you've got a problem. What's the matter?" he asked innocently. The flame took a deep breath and looked the water in the eye. 

"I-I. . . I can't breathe anymore, I think I - I'm about to say goodbye to the world," sputtered the flame with hot tears of lava. 

"Say goodbye? Does that mean you're about to be die?"

"Sorry, I - I can't live without water. I'm a-a different type of flame, you see. I need just a little to keep myself healthy." The water looked at himself with amusement. He was water, and if he gave himself to the flame, she'd live. But then. . . what about hisself? Pushing away the thought, the water approached the sobbing flame and whispered silently, so quiet that not a single animal in the planet would be able to hear. It took a lot of nerve and courage, but when he was in the securing warmth of the fire, the choice felt so right. Just so right.

"Don't worry, flame. I'm going to give myself to you. Stop crying, you'll stay alive. I'm right here." he hushed her up and made her relax. The water was so scared at this idea. He felt wreckless, and hadn't even thought of his decision very well. But the flame seemed in such a great need, and she made the water's heart come to life, as though nothing else in the world had mattered. 

"Water, no! If you give yourself --" It was too late for words. The water splashed onto the flame, as the flame sprang to joy at the relief she now felt. The flame bursted in smoke, now healthy, but alone with no water.

"Water. . ." the flame cried out. She looked at herself, and bowed her head in depression.

"It didn't have to be like this," she yelled out to no one in particular. She felt stupid and alone, it felt worse than being dehydrated. 

"I'll never forget you!" she shouted so loudly that all the birds in every tree flew away. 

Photo Creds to Pinterest

     The flame was true to her word. Five years after, she had a husband, a flame just as herself. But if it weren't for the water that sacrificed itself, she would not open her eyes to still be able to be alive at a time like this. It was the greatest sacrifice yet. 

     This is once again another lesson for us all that water cannot fall in love with fire. For one reason, they don't go together, and they will kill each other. Love won't stop you from killing each other to death, alright. (I know this thought has nothing to do with the story, but you get it.) Love is putting the needs of another before yours, and I as Athena Cat doubt that love will not at all hurt. This is reality, I assume. Nothing is permanent, and there is no such a thing as forever. 

Photo Creds to Wonderings of a Writer, Typorama 

     Happy Valentines.

Photo Creds to Pinterest

Photos are from Pinterest, Google Images, or Wonderings of a Writer. 

Lief Rn

     It is Februaryyy! Yahoo. NOT. 

 

     So far, the whole month for me has been jinxed. Sugarcoated stuff are everywhere, cheezy pick up lines surround me, the characters in the books I read are just drawn together, and during my other day at school, I dropped my food and then a frisbee attacked me! What a wonderful world we have, eh?

                                   

      

     Anywho, our trip to Baguio just happened yestserday! I have to admit that this wasn't as fun as our trip to Tagaytay. I even felt so out of place last Saturday, that I secretly cried in the bathroom. Being Athena Cat is just a huge disability, and I have to admit that I haven't FULLY built or brought back the past with my family. 

     

    

     I don't usually have the richness of time, but since we got home by 11 last night, my parents didn't let me go to school today so that I could rest. And now, I have time to write this very random blog post of things that won't concern the rest of the planet!

     I just finished reading Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard today, AND IT IS ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF ALL TIME. I cannot explain how it made me feel -- annoyed, but so in love and captivated at the same time. If anyone's curious, I'M SHIPPING MARE WITH CAL.

                                    

    

   

     It's 3 pm right now, and I'm quite worried for school. I'm afraid of the requirements I've missed, and the stress that it is to bring. Currently, I am also worrying about our CL/VE Slam Poetry presentation tomorrow. Ughhh. 

     Help me out with life, cause this girl is stressed out. 😂😂😂

All Pictures were taken from Google Images.

Baguio, Please!!!

Dear Dada, 

     Helloooo. It's been a couple of weeks ever since the Tagaytay trip, and I really had so much fun there. I also had another dream of you last Monday, and I now realize that it's always such a priceless moment whenever I get to see you. A story is even playing out in my head, about a girl who could communicate with the dead. But anywho, that's another chapter. 

     I'm writing to you today because I need your help. It's really strange, since I have no kind of confirmation at all that you're even reading this or seeing me right now as I type these very words. I never listen or believe in my heart, but with this situation, I'm purely relying on it and on my belief that your very eyes are dancing through the sentences, word per word, letter by letter. 

     For the past few days, mom and Aunt Jen have been planning for the family trip to Baguio. Everything is settled. Everyone was free, and everyone said that they would be able to go. But when Aunt Jen asked for the last call, grandma suddenly said no. Mom talked to her on the phone, and she said that it kind of offended her when she was asked that question. Mom successfully convinced her to say yes, and so mom called up Aunt Jen to say that the trip would push through. But after that, Aunt Jen spoke with grandma, and she changed her mind and said no once again.

      I really really hoped that everything was going to be settled last night, and I even did a super awesome lettering of Baguio in my planner! I'm feeling crushed, and I do not want to let this opportunity go to waste.  Dada, please help me out. I have a plan of talking to grandma later on the phone, so that she'd say yes to Baguio. Mom says that grandma would definitely say yes because I'm her only granddaughter, and grandchild that doesn't live with her. 

     In my opinion, I think that this plan will definitely succeed. But I need your help, because I might get tongue tied while talking to her, or I might lose track of what I'm about to say. You do know that between you and grandma, I was very much closer with you. Anyways, I understand that grandma is being quite a drama queen with this, because I know that she's old and, er old people are like that, right? 

     Aunt Jen is calling the whole plan off by 11 am, and I'm quite worried because it's already 10:17, and I still cannot contact her because Dad's working, and I need his phone to talk to her. But I think that even though she says yes and it's already 12 pm, the plan will still go through. Aunt Jen has to book a room for us already, and she has to do it asap, because a lot of people are visiting Baguio as well. But I am not taking no for an answer, and I need to convince my grandmother. 

     Help me out please. God, also hear my prayer. My cousin's already got a girlfriend! We are already growing up, and I'm beginning to realize that I only have a few years left to spend with my family -- with me still being a kid! I want to make more beautiful memories, and I'm starting to ignore the over thinking, awkwardness, or scary situations that may come. Because in this situation, I am truly starting to look at the positive and bright side. I miss the old days, and I want to rebuild the past. 

     I love you Dada, and I miss you. I hope you read this letter and help me out.

Another One

Dear Dada, 

     Happy New Year! I MISS YOU MORE THAN THE MOST POWERFUL WORDS CAN EVER DESCRIBE. I've noticed that I'm always writing to you, and I want to make it a good habit because this is the only way I can communicate with you and tell you how I feel. This just gives me the thought and comfort that you're really still alive and watching over us, as though your just having a vacation at a different country. Hope you're watching the fireworks right now happily up there with Jesus. 😊😊😊

     I want to tell you that I miss the old days so so much. I've had quite a number of awkward and bad moments with my cousins, or our other relatives, and I can't believe that I'm about to say the most surreal thing ever. During Christmas and today (December 31), I had such a great time. I can even recall crying over you just a few days ago, since I was looking at our old photos, how happy we were, and then I couldn't help but think of how all the wasted and bad times of mine with the family could have been amazing if you were still with us. I didn't want anyone, especially my parents, to see me crying over you because I knew that they'd think that I was being a total drama queen. You've been lost for quite a long time, and I think that they expect me to have moved on and because as they know, there isn't any valid reason for me to be crying over you. I also prayed the rosary on Christmas and today, since I always need luck when there's an event with our family. I seriously cannot afford another depressing and worthless moment. 

     I want to tell you about Christmas first. It all really started when me and Aunt Jen, along with her dog Sophia, gathered at grandma's bedroom for some reason. We began having lots of fun, and I'm so proud to say that I didn't keep my mouth shut! I contemplated on how the room's become so small, and I was really happy when I saw my cousin, Paolo and Aunt Jen react with smiles. When all of the adults left, I began playing with Perry and Paolo (my two cousins *wink* 😉), AND I HAD SO MUCH FUN!  I was so afraid that I'd be awkward or something, but none of those expectations happened. I thank God so deeply for letting me be happy, and for giving me a chance to bring back my old relationship with them. 

     Now, a while ago, we had lunch at Max's to celebrate Aunt Elle's birthday. We then went to grandma's house and stayed there till dinner, which was really cool. I got to eat the delicious cooking of grandma, play with my cousin (a lightsaber duel, and we played hide and seek -- okay, I admit, I'm really childish), and watch my aunts and uncles have battles of Kareoke. This is what I call priceless. 

     I wish that life could always be like this, and I'm so sad that three solid years were wasted because of my parents' and aunt's fight. I'm so grateful right now that my old relationship is slowly being rebuilt, part by part, and piece by piece. I really want to see the happy past with my family become my present and future. Life will never be the same without you, Dada. I knew you were smiling at us all. 😊

                                    With love, 

                                       Your granddaughter, Athena Cat.

PS to my grandpa: All the names mentioned in this post are code names, but I think you'll be able to figure them out. 😉😉😉 I love you!

All Images are from Pinterest.

iMiss iCarly!

     For the past three days since my Christmas break started, I've practically been doing nothing but re-watching episodes of iCarly! I've actually been planning to watch iCarly for a pretty long time already, ever since December started. I just love reliving my childhood, and I miss the thought of being a careless seven year old, going home to turn on the TV and laugh at the silliness of Carly, Sam, Freddie, and Spencer.

     The first thing I did this morning was watch iCarly (obvsly) :iGoodbye. I never got to watch that episode before, since me and my family were super busy during that time because we were moving to a new house, and so it was the first time that I laid my eyes on it. 

     I'm not very emotional when it comes to TV or movies, but I found myself swimming in a river of tears this morning due to iGoodbye -- iCarly's very last episode. iCarly has just been my childhood, and seeing it all end so sadly with Carly living with her dad made me feel as though it symbolized the end of my good old days as a kid. I think that the part that made me tear up the most was when Carly's dad announced that Carly could live with him. It just pulled me down to pure sadness when Sam said Carly should go for it, and if she'd been in her place she'd totally say yes. The first ever iCarly episode, iPilot, ends with a hat party to celebrate the success of their very first web show. And my heart broke to billions of pieces when they ALSO had a hat party in the very last episode. They all had a group hug, and the very last line to bring a knot to the whole series was Freddie saying "And, we're clear." 

     THESE HUMANS ARE JUST CRUSHING AN INNOCENT LITTLE GIRL'S HEART! 

     Seriously, I just wish that Dan Schneider would have ended it with no such drama at all. Just a normal natural episode like any other regular day, or probably he could have erased all the emphasis given to the fact that truly, it was the end. (ehem, ehem, SAYING THAT ICARLY IS SIMPLY TAKING A BREAK JUST MAKES THE PAIN FEEL SO MUCH WORSE, because duh, IT AIN'T!) Or maybe, they could have given any other non poisoning ending to the series by killing Carly or Sam and just getting it over with! (Okay, I was joking, but still, I FEEL SO SAD FOR WHAT'S HAPPENED!) I know that this premiered long ago in 2012, but I just cannot get over this, and I'm afraid that I never will.

     Without a doubt, iCarly occupied such a big space in my heart, and it always will. It's been a part of my life, and has made me laugh on the darkest of days. It even feels as though I've been there from the very start all along. I just want to say that iLOVE iCarly, and I'll never ever forget about it. I'm sad that it's ended, but I'm thankful for what it's been.

 ©All Images from Google Photos

PS. I ship Creddie. 

Christmas Once Again

We warmly welcome once again the warmth of Christmas Joy as the 25th of December slowly creeps up around the corner. For the only month in the whole year, the world will be covered in snow, holly, mistletoe, and love. But I, Athena Cat, have only one word to describe how my December's been going. BUSY. 

     Photo Creds: We Heart It 

     These days, I rarely ever get to do the things that I love, and this is once of the reasons of why I have such few blog posts on Wonderings Of A Writer for 2016. And Christmas is not an excuse for this, but rather, a sign of even more things to be doing. The demands of school are really just too much already! I even think that I'm loosing all my creativity and color since it's becoming replaced by each day of solving math problems or accomplishing reaction papers and essays, instead of finishing my stories, doing calligraphy, or catching up with the current book I'm reading. I sleep at midnight just to finish all my homework! All my time at home is spent for school! Even my weekends are just so filled! I seriously DO NOT feel happy about this. At all. 

     Despite Christmas's warmth and joy, I still have to finish everything before I am finally able to breathe. For the first two weeks of the month, I had to finish hundreds of school projects, which mercilessly included; memorizing a poem to present in the front of the class, creating a math tutorial video, and having to already prepare (as usual) my periodical exam reviewers.

       

     By the third week of December, I had my final periodical exams for the second quarter. And how did it go, you ask? Some were walks in the park or pieces of cake. But the others? Oh, just World War III, I guess! After the finals, we had our Intrams, and this wasn't the best of times either. Academic stuff were all finished, yet the intrams were so boring, and we had to stay at the court, watching different sports for three whole days. And we had no choice but to go to school since our teachers bargained with us a plus ten in our MAPEH quizzes if we all went to school on time and wore the proper attire. 

     This weekend wasn't very busy with school, but we had to go Christmas shopping some more and wrap presents once we got home. I also had to go to Emma's house to finish a school project, then me and mom went to the mall to watch Rogue One last Saturday and we saw Moana on Sunday. 

      This very second is one of the best times I shall cherish, for it is once of the very rare times I will get to myself. I love Christmas, but I've got to admit that it can just be the busiest time of all sometimes. This is Athena Cat signing out, saying Pause Noël est enfin ici!

     We Heart It (Photo) 

Complete Stranger

      Let me start from the very beginning. Let me start from the time my eyes opened and the brightness of the hospital's ceiling lights greeted me, and I was carried in these two warm arms of a woman I now call my mom. Let me start.

     Memories are overflowing in my head like a water tank waiting to burst. Some pierce through me like a clean sharp knife, while the others are like onions that suddenly make me water up. I think that you've forgotten the past, the good and joyful before, and I'm required to bring it back. This is an open letter, not to one person, but to everyone in the world who is grieving over the death of someone who is still alive. 

       Photo from Pinterest

     Do you still know me? Sure, you know my name, but what enters your mind when you hear of it? Blankness, I would guess. "Yeah, she's my cousin." "Yeah, she's my neice." "Yeah, she's a relative of mine." You know my name. You know what I look like. But. . . if I were to have a time turner, and travel back through time, I know that you'd even smile. I just know it. I know that you'd even wish that I was with you. I know that you'd think of me, or recall the last time we saw each other. Call me crazy, say that I'm a know-it-all, tell me that I'm wrong. But I believe in my heart. 

     I'm going to introduce myself to you, because I need you to trust me when I say that you do not know me. My name is Athena Cat, just a pathetic little girl from your unopened memories. And as always, she's assuming and hoping for the impossible, only to fail and get hurt once again. But anyways, let's forget about that right now, shall we? It's impossible for you to remember, but believe it or not, I used to cry every time we had to stop playing because me and my family had to go home already. I may be a stranger to you now, but we used to dance on the bed and pretend that we were in a royal ball. I remember once that I brought some stickers with me, and we sticked them up on grandma's wall. I reckon it's even there until now, but currently, it's just another meaningless childhood fragment of yours. Remember when we used to go to the mall together and we'd hold each other's hands? There was also this one time when we used to create a fort or space ship with pillows, and we even pretended like there was a war and you'd try to wake me up, because I died while fighting. We used to dream about having our own tree house. You'd have the second floor, and I'd have the first. Ooh, and one time, you were trying to convince me to go in front of everyone at the restaurant and say happy birthday grandpa on the microphone with you. And I can still recall so vividly the day that I didn't want to go home, and magically, the door from the bedroom wouldn't open, thus locking us inside. We both were trying to free ourselves, but I was so happy though, because it meant more time to spend with you. We used to swim together in that tiny inflatable pool at your place. You'd always be the hider in hide and seek, and my mom would get mad whenever I wouldn't use my slippers while playing. We used to be best friends, inseparable and close. But now, all these things in the past are quite the opposite of the present. It. . . is all. . .  shattered, and nothing more than one of those old and burnt photo albums, showing the unspeakable truth of time stopping images.

      Photo from Pinterest

     Just a while ago, we saw each other at the family reunion. You greeted me and I gave you a hug. And by that split second hearing your voice, I couldn't stand to think that this was the same voice that I used to talk to so comfortably, without any fear or awkwardness. The event went on and on, and you were at the front, having fun with some of our other cousins whom I don't even know the names of. I stayed upstairs, trying to study for my periodical exams tomorrow. But when I finished, it was all still the same. You stayed with some other people, and you all laughed and had fun, while I stayed, spending the whole day with my phone, just hoping to be able to get back home. See how time flies? It was just like yesterday that I was begging my parents to stay a little longer because I practically wanted to live at your place. You know, if I changed our ages a little bit, and reverse the years, with the same people, same time, same place, I just know that you'd stay by my side. I used to love the company of my family, thinking that I had this group of people where I was the star, and everybody loved me, but now, I sit in a corner and desire to stay unknown. 

      Photo from Pinterest

     I miss you so much. I wish that time never grew old and we could stay kids forever, but you've forgotten the before, and I am now a complete stranger. It isn't impossible to bring back the past and get our old relationship to the present, but it's going to be really hard. But no matter what happens, you'll always be my cousin, and you will forever be my childhood best friend.

           

                 Photo from Pinterest

Against All

Tears, tears, and tears

Overthinking, anxiety, stress.

Eternal darkness fills my vision

As the never ending cycle greets me

like an old friend

It's always my fault, isn't it?

And I'm always wrong

I'm the bad one.

I'm the worst.

Damage me some more, will you?

cause you can't break what's already broken!

      Photo From Pinterest

This is my life,

This is how things always are

How things always will be

I don't know what to feel

I don't know what to do

I don't want to eat

I don't want to go out

I don't want to go to school

I don't want to wake up

I don't want to live.

I don't believe in the "possible"

and I never really had

But I couldn't ever believe in the reality

When the unbelievable, the unlikely, the fairytale,

The unthinkable, the unspeakable, the fantasy

the fictional, the imaginary,

ALL THE WORDS FOR IMPOSSIBLE!

Actually, actually, actually,

came true.

From billions of years,

Locked in the darkness,

He came

He came like light,

Shining and glowing

In the black inside of me.

He came out of nowhere,

And made me know

What happiness truly is.

He came in like

sudden wind flying through your hair

on windy days

He came like the coolness of

your favorite chocolate ice cream

Moving through your head,

attacking you with a brain freeze

I simply failed to see that he was there,

Always, he was with me

But now, I know

And I'm not letting go.

      Photo From Pinterest

To be able to see light again

In this, horrid, horrid world

Felt so different

As though I had a rebirth

I could lift cars,

Fly over the world,

read other people's minds,

I felt invincible!

Thanks to him

      Photo From Pinterest

Who is he?

He who melted my tears away,

He who made me feel welcome,

He who made me believe,

He who opened the door when all was shut,

He who erased all the problems,

He who made me laugh,

He who listened,

He who never left me alone, 

who was always there from the very start

Who is he?

When the world is against me,

And no one else cares,

I still have him,

I still have that one person who means the world

And he is, and always will be,

My Dad.

     Photo From Pinterest

Hello Once Again

      Hello once more to you. I've been dying to write this post for the past four days, and now that my fingers are gliding along the keyboard, I am at loss for words. What do I truly want to say?

     I'm just going to go straight to the point, and not ponder over the grief that, I too have about this matter. Marcos being buried in the "Libingan Ng Mga Bayani" is truly an indescribable and horrid thing, and I would never forget the goosebumps and sinking of my heart when I heard that he, A guy who killed, totured, and stole could be called a damn hero. 

      At the moment I heard about the terrifying news, I immediately checked your Facebook wall, and could not believe how true and honest my instincts were acting. Again, kids our age don't give a single thought about these matters, only probably if you write for the school paper or something. But you, you care so much and it's as though you've been there all throughout the dark times, mad and extremely against Martial Law. I kinda hate to say it (I LOATHE SUGARCOATED STUFF, JSYK.), but this makes me like you even more. This is saying something, because I already liked you so much months ago, and I didn't think that it could get any worse. But still, I haven't fallen completely because just like always, I have four words. 

   

U

       Photo from Pinterest

     I. Don't. Know. You.

      I kept on talking to myself earlier, begging and desperate for some action to happen, since I hate to admit it, but I'm becoming quite eager to know you (WHAT DID I JUST SAY....). But I don't want to see you in real life. I know that it'll be awkward and you'll see me as someone who I'm not. But I've also thought about it and, it's also impossible for us to not meet at least once more in the future, since our moms are kind of like friends. I can't stand thinking of how awkward and red my face will be when that day comes. 

       Photo from Pinterest

      Photo from Pinterest

     I know that it's impossible for what I usually dream of in love to become a reality. For in love, the impossible is just impossible. As everyone knows, I'm very focused on my dreams and never give up, and I don't believe in the impossible. But when it comes to thie, I strongly think that the impossible is simply, impossible. That's it. You can't do anything, even with hard work. And how will all my pathetic visions be a reality? I know for a fact that we live in two separate and different worlds. You barely know me. But I accept this sad truth, because from the very first dream I had of you, on the night of 12th February, I knew from the start that it was all a dream, impossible. 

     But still, I didn't just let go for some reason I can't explain. I think it's because it just makes me happy. I love the feeling of waking up completely merry as I remember my dream of you. I love even more the feeling of looking at your Facebook wall and letting my dreams collaborate with reality. But what I love the most, is when I write about you. Perfecting A Princess wouldn't have been how it is, or it wouldn't even exist without you. And putting you in my stories lets me think of you more, and even allows me to have adventures with you through my own head and imagination. And how weird and odd it is for a girl you never knew to practically be obsessed with you, and you don't have a single clue. If you discover this, it's all going to sound surreal. 

       Photo from Pinterest

     I know what you're thinking, these are such stupid reasons for me to suddenly fall, but out of everything I can put into words and explain thouroughly, I cannot manage to explain THIS situation. You are my first, and I doubt that I'll ever think or like anyone else like you.

      You know who you are. Another unsent letter this is, but if the day comes when your eyes finally read this, word per word with your heart beating loudly, a teeny tiny part of me right now prays and hopes and wishes, that I'll be right next to you, saying one thing for the rest of life.

OKAY, WHAT JUST HAPPENED? WHAT DID I JUST SAY? I HATE SUGARCOATED STUFF. UGH WHAT DID I DO.

      Photo from Pinterest

Back To Reality

      Just last week, semestral break ended, and as our teachers say, we are now "back in reality". I finally feel it all come back. But today, I just want to say that for some reason, I feel really really happy. It's kinda weird because if you come to think of it, my present is filled with problems. School work is starting to multiply again, graded recitations are increasing, Donald Trump won the elections, me and Scarlette's fight still isn't over, my uncle went back to America, and yet, for some tiny fact which I am eager to find out, I feel indescribably happy.

      When I got home, I was just in this giddy feeling and I listened to some new songs. I actually have a theory that this could be the cause of my very strong patronus. To be clear and so I'll never forget this revolutionary day, I listened to "All Night" by The Vamps ft. Matoma, and "Bad Things" by Machine Gun Kelly and Camila Cabello. 

      Photo From Google Images

     Photo from Google Images

     Whenever I discover something new, I always have a theory or theories since I want to discover its real cause or what it is. For this matter, I have a theory that it's because my uncle left, and I feel happier since I mostly get annoyed at him. It could also be because of Scarlette since we don't talk and I'm a bit free, but that doesn't really make sense since I feel bad about that situation. It's a Tuesday, and we only have five subjects at school, which could also be a possible cause. But what I think is the real, and strongest reason of my happiness? Read on. 

      I kept on singing while fixing my stuff for school, and for the first time in such a humongous amount of time, I felt HAPPY. I wasn't faking it, or forcing myself to be happy. And this makes me so curious. 

      By dinner time though, I started watching some YouTube (I LOVE JANINA VELA AND BETHANY MOTA, BTW) and that was also such a great time, since YouTube is technically my solution to be happy and to laugh. I have this other theory that my sadness comes from the fact that I just do school work too much, and I think that I don't get to enjoy life very much, since it's always work work work work. I still have loads of time tomorrow to do my unfinished work, and that'll also be productive since I'll be doing something other than just watching the hands of our clock tick by. This cycle seems really healthy, and I love it. I hope my depression (I don't really have the disorder, jsyk. I just experience a lot sad stuff in life.) goes away, and I get some control over this life.

      Photo From Pinterest

Field Trip 2016

     The past three days I've experienced were sooo tiring. Thursday? I cried my eyes out at the fact of me and Scarlette still being bitter like never before, even after semestral break. Friday? It was super fun since it was our field trip! I sat next to Emma, and I instantly fell asleep once I got home. And Saturday, you ask? Me and my family had a trip to Tagaytay, and me and my parents had this big argument earlier in the morning since I really didn't want to wake up because I was so tired from the field trip yesterday. But enough with the complaints, let me tell the story of my School Field trip! (For more photos, visit my Facebook page Wonderings of a Writer, or Instagram account, Athena Cat)

     As I can remember, me and my batchmates went to San Gregorio Farms, Diving Mercy Shrine, and Hospice Of St. John. I sat next to Emma, since me and Scarlette were still ignoring each other. I had a super great time with her throughout the trip, as we talked about childhood memories, music, zodiacs, and food. If you didn't know, me and Emma were also field trip buddies last school year. 

     Our first destination was Divine Mercy Shrine, which was somewhat of a grotto. From the parking lot, we entered this covered court where stacks and stacks of chairs were tidied up, and a cross and altar stood in the front. Farther away were statues of Jesus and other historical people displayed in the gardens. There was a wishing well, where I obviously asked for me and Scarlette to be alright again, and there was also a tiny fountain where you could pass by. There was also a cave that was filled with flowers and statues or images of Mama Mary, and as I remember, there was also a replica of St. John's home. And by the very very end was finally the beautiful church (which we couldn't really enter for a long time because there was an ongoing mass). 

     Our second destination was The Hospice of St. John, which was an orphanage. But sadly, we literally did not do anything at all there. Even though it was drizzling, we wore our hoodies and went there just to listen to a boring speaker inform us about drugs and abandonment. We only dropped the toys we were supposed to give to the orphans in a trash bag which was collected by our teacher, but the talk was just it. The promised interaction with the orphans was really a big fat lie.

     Lastly, we visited San Gregorio Farms, which was really quite enjoyable, if only we had enough time. After taking our lunch, we went to a part of the farm where we were taught how to create Pastillias (Filipino Candy), purely out of cow milk. 

     Then we watched the process of milking cows (I HATED THIS PART, AND I WANTED TO GO HOME SINCE MY HEAD WAS ACHING DUE TO THE BAD SMELL). And who would've thought that they held us captive there until at least two if our batchmates went to the cow and milked it! It was more of a nightmare if you ask me. I was personally about to die since I seriously couldn't stand the scent anymore.

     But once we survived that part, we moved on to tree planting, which was also quite gross since we had to touch the soil. One of my classmates shrieked in horror when she discovered a spider and a worm in her pile. But anyway, there was this plastic that was filled with soil and a little plant. Now, we had to transfer that plant to the ground using our bare hands. Not even a shovel? No gloves? What will you surprise me with next, Philippines? 😒

     But anyways, we also tried the zipline, which was the COOLEST moment of my life. EVER. It was even nervwrecking for me since it was my first time, and out of all my batchmates, I was second to try. The stairs were spiralling and you had to sit down on this belt and hold on to the grips to stay alive. My legs were so shaky, but part of me was also so eager and excited. And once the farm worker pushed me, I saw myself smiling at the spectacular view the zipline had to offer, and grinned wildly when I saw a River (because I was reminded of someone special...). Who would've thought that when I finally reached its end, I couldn't stop complaining for more! 

     I passed through a hanging bridge through the river, which actually led to the fishing area. Although I didn't want to touch any of the Papayas as bait, my eagerness, curiosness, and adventurous side couldn't say no to fishing. It was my first time, and I absoloutely love trying new things when it comes travelling (I EMPHASIZE, ONLY TRAVELLING.) But sadlyyyy, I didn't catch a single one, and my bait was always captured. 

     For more photos, visit my Instagram account (Athena Cat), or Facebook page (Wonderings of a Writer). This is Athena Cat, saying TRAVEL MORE!