Fighting With A Friend. . . . .

      Today is one of the moments where I am at my very saddest and let the world revolve around me, thinking of how better I could feel if I didn't exist. Why am I so depressed, you ask? It's October! Foundation Day at school! Semestral Break! It's impossible for someone to feel so blue at this time of the year.

      But I, Athena Cat, have just proven that yes, it truly is possible for normal human beings to experience this at such a happy and festive month. Before I go on to the point of all this, let me say that I rarely ever have fights with my friends. Like, ever. My first and latest fight with two of my friends happened back in 2014! I am not a type of person who to seriously fights with their friends, and to be honest, I'm a really really good friend! I'm not bragging or anything, but I always give such great advide to my squad when they're at their lowest, and I've always always got their back (THEM? NOT SO MUCH!). I'm the kind of friend who just likes having fun, goofing off, and being silly. I live life, peoplesss!

     Moving on, I feel so depressed because me and one of my closest friends have not been in good terms for a week now. We've been friends since SECOND GRADE! 😭 And I just really really want us to be great friends again, and seeing her hanging out with other people and smiling as though nothing happened makes me feel as though she's better off without me, and that she's happier right now. 😭😭😭

     Our field trip is on the 4th of this Novemeber, and after Semestral break, we'll have one regular school day, and then we'll be having the trip. In my section, my bestest friends are Emma and Scarlette, whom I have also been friends with last school year, but we're actually a lot closer now. And like everyone knows, three is a crowd! Talk about needing to pair up in school activities!

    Well, one day after practicing for our foundation day celebration, me and Scarlette sat beside each other in the classroom. Here is our horrible, horrible, horrible conversation about the field trip.

Scarlette: So, what are we going to do for the field trip? Who are you gonna sit next to? 

  (And of course, since I am a writer, I can't help but put a little description to her voice and facial expressions, so let's pretend you're reading a book now, shall we?) she says, her voice just like always, tough yet affectionate. I look with confidence but worry a little, for the fact that she doesn't know yet. . . 

Athena: Me and Emma are already buddies, 

   (Buddies means seatmates for the field trip since that's what we call it, but I don't mean buddies, like besties or friends okay) I reply blankly, trying to make it look like it's no big deal. 

Scarlette: Huh? When have you talked about it? she says with a little shake in her voice.

Athena: I can't remember, it was a long time ago. I think it was in August, when you just came home from your trip to Korea, I reply, knowing in my head that this was going to be a normal conversation, that we'd both be laughing and chatting away in an hour later. But as I wait for a reply, she repays me with dead silence. This was the loudest silence in my life, it hurt my ears and made my eyes water. 

      Photo from Pinterest

Athena: I didn't know that you were annoyed at Lilly when me and Emma talked about it -- I reply back with numbness and no feelings at all as she cuts me off. 

Scarlette: You two are so mean! You didn't even tell me about it! she cries out, with a little scary, painful, depressed laugh in the mixture.

Athena: But we didn't know that you were annoyed at Lilly --

Scarlette: I told you then! You knew already! she fights back, hurt and fighting. 

Athena: No, we didn't. You didn't tell --

Scarlette: But you asked her, didn't you? Scarlette asks with her depressed eyes staring deeply into mine. I remain quiet, not knowing what she meant. 

Scarlette: Didn't you???! she repeats. 

Athena: Well yeah, I did, but -- 

Scarlette: Then you did! and then that was that. I sat there, acting like nothing was wrong, but yes, I felt all mixed up inside, too many emotions stirring, all at the same time, all hitting me at once, activating my numb expression. 

*After a minute, which seemed like a year,*

Athena: Sooo, what are we gonna do? 

Scarlette: I'M THINKING ABOUT IT! she replies really loudly, letting me lean on the wall and just give her some space. I had no clue that that was the last I'd hear from her. That that little thing was the end of the whole thing. 

      Photo from Scream Poems - Facebok

      This fight happened on a Wednesday, and later that day, I told Emma all about it, and came up with a solution for the seating arrangements. But still, Scarlette blamed me, and got mad at me, BUT IS IN PERFECTLY GOOD TERMS WITH EMMA. Isn't life just a whirlwind of beauty and peace? 

Anyways, I spoke with Chezka (a close friend of Scarlette's) during our dry run and guess what just happened.

*talking about some random stuff, etc., etc.*

Chezka: Hey, I heard that you and Scarlette aren't good,

Athena: Not good? Why? What did she say? (Because as I remember, we were just having an argument! Not a big serious fight with ignoring! I do NOT like fighting, and I am not USED to fighting!) 

Chezka: She told me all about it, and even told me that she felt like crying, I stay quiet for a while, just feeling numb and at the verge of seriously wanting to abandon this planet. I then tell Chezka all about it, my opinion, and how Scarlette balmed me, and got mad at me. 

     When Saturday came, we still had practices for the foundation day but I wasn't able to go because of a family reunion. My bestest friend in the whole wild world (who I know will never treat me like how Scarlette did!), Candy, told me something that shattered my already broken self even more. (How can you break what's already broken? -_-) 

Candy: Hey Scarlette, do you know where Athena is?

Scarlette: Nahh, she probably didn't go to school since she's always lazy, 

Candy: *suddenly remembers I've got a fam thing* Oh, I remember she's got a family reunion at their house today,

Scarlette: Ugh, they always have family reunions

        Photo from Pinterest

     Say hello to an even more broken Athena! I LOVE THE WORLDDDDDDD! 

     First of all, this whole thing was nobody's fault between me, Emma, and Scarlette. It wasn't Scarlette's fault at all, even though she said nasty things, because I clearly know that she just felt really sad and she couldn't control her emotions. It wasn't her fault to feel those kinds of things too, since she mostly feels out of place and sometimes gets left out with me and Emma, cause me and Emma have a closer bond, since we were closer last year (Scarlette had a different group of friends back then). But at the same time, you also can't blame me because when Emma told Scarlette the solutions I came up with, she didn't reply and still continued blaming me. And I didn't even know that she actually felt all of this stuff. This is what I mean about friendships. Scarlette is kinda immature for not expressing her thoughts with us. Staying quiet and letting other people guess what you want to happen is for little kids! It's all just so childish that it annoys me for someone to be that ridiculous. 

      Photo from Pinterest

     My theory is that Scarlette really wanted to sit next to me in the field trip. She also asked me pretty early in August, but I wanted to sit next to Emma. When I suggested my other ideas in the past, she rejected them, and I knew that she really wanted us two to be buddies. But I guess that that's all gone now! And even with sending a super long apology message to her, she still won't do anything in real life. 

     During early October, I already asked my dad for some help on this situation, and he said that I should do what I wanted, and let Scarlette sit next to who she had to sit next to. He meant that I shouldn't follow what other people wanted, and I should listen to myself. I knew that this was great advice, but after actually seeing Scarlette's deepest side (Yes, this is the first time I've seen her act like this. Scarlette's practically Sam from iCarly, and she's really tough.) and realizing how unfair me and Emma can be to her (because as I've said, she mostly gets left out. Three is a crowd 😞), I felt the need and want to be her partner for the trip. To be honest, for a person who understands people a lot just like me, I really changed my mind with this situation. I felt like I've unlocked another human in my personality notebook. Just so you know, I'm rarely like that. 

      I keep on facing the unreal matter that I think Scarlette and I will still, somehow, find a way to repair these broken stiches. Does fighting really matter more than the joy of being friends? Would you rather give up all those smiles and laughs for what? A misunderstanding?! If Scarlette does do that, then that would mean that she was faking all the good times we used to have, since she's such a pro at forgetting it and abandoning it, because I know, and she knows, and we know that our friendship wasn't just something. It wasn't just another piece of paper with lines on it, or another pencil that could write with the same shade -- no, it was different, and when things are extraordinary, you'd be so stupid to just throw it away. These are the things that keep you going in life. This is the reason of why, despite all the depression and stress and anger, you see through the darkness -- and then, and only then will you discover true beauty.

     Whatever happens, I just hope that the Scarlette situation gets fixed, since I love her so much, I love my friends all so much, and I hate fighting. I just want everything to go back as it used to be. I know that nothing's impossible with God, so I ask for his guidance and help. 

      Photo from Teenager Posts

     

My Top Five Study Apps

     School has definitely been a humongous challenge for me these days, and it is nothing compared to my previous years. I'm in the cream section, and coping up with my brilliantly smart know-it-all (AND SLIGHTLY ANNOYING) classmates. Nevertheless, being in the cream section was quite a big adjustment and change for me because I was so used to being classmates with people who were quite different. Now, in the cream section, everyone in group works help. The class president doesn't have to say a thousand words just for everyone to listen. And everyone is so friendly. They're all so open, unlike my other school years where you'd seriously see a son of Hades. I'm thankful for this, and I want to keep up my high grades. To help me with that, I have various study apps to maintain my high grades or manage my time. Without further ado, here is my list of top five study apps.

1. Quizlet 

      This is the best app I've ever seen so far, and is truly effective as long as you have enough time for using on your phone. Quizlet lets you create your own study materials, or search for study materials online so that you won't ever have a hard time reviewing for those nasty midterms. It also lets you connect with your teachers, classmates, or class if your school is connected or aware of Quizlet. 

       It offers different review options such as Cards (where you write a question or term in front, and tap it for the answer or definition), learn (which asks different questions from your created/added (reviewer from another user) reviewer, and you'll have to answer each question), match (basically is like the traditional matching cards game. You'll have to match each term to its definition), and lastly, test (which asks questions in the form of multiple choices, true or false, etc.) 

Overall, I'd say that Quizlet is a 5/5 app, which I strongly recommend everyone to get.

 

 

      

Developer: Quizlet LLC

Category: Education

Rating: Rated 4+

DOWNLOAD IS FREE

OFFERS IN-APP PURCHASES

2. myHomework Student Planner

     If you're horrible with time management and submitting homework, this is definitely the app for you. myHomework keeps track of all your requirements -- wether you need to study for a quiz or pass that paper about atoms, myHomework does it all. This amazing app asks for your homework's due date, it will give reminders and alerts depending on your preference, and even sorts out its priority. Total coolness! (not! lol xD)

 

     This app helps a lot, although it takes quite a lot of time entering your homework to the app, so I suggest making sure that you really do have time. It helps a lot, and it won't letcha down.

          

Developer: Rodrigo Neri

Category: Education

Rating: Rated 4+

DOWNLOAD IS FREE

OFFERS IN-APP PURCHASES

3. PhotoMath

      If you're more with the words and less with the numbers like me, I promise that this will help! PhotoMath is something like a scientific calculator, but actually gives you a solution for each math problem you give! It can solve hand written problems, simply point your camera at it and then the magic will begin. It also gives you step by step procedures, so you'll never again be lost with all those nose bleeding integers. It can solve simple numbers to fractions, to square roots. 

       

Developer: Photomath, Inc.

Category: Education

DOWNLOAD IS FREE

OFFERS IN-APP PURCHASES

4. Focus Zen

      Music and specific sounds are actually scientifically proven to enhance memory, increase concentration, or process more complicated stimuli easier than before. Focus Zen offers music and sounds just for that! You can easily get your earphones and listen to the music in Focus Zen while studying and doing your homework.

   

      

Developer: Mindvalley Creations Inc.

Category: Productivity 

Rating: Rated 4+

DOWNLOAD IS FREE

5. Duolingo

      I recommend this to all people wishing to learn a new language! It is the best learning app for learning new languages. It offers lessons in so many languages, and quizzes you as each lesson goes. You'll start with the basics, such as phrases, food, animals, and plurals, until you reach the difficult parts. It also tracks your lessons, and awards you with some digital coins called "lingots", which you can use to unlock various things like a new theme or a free one day break. After finishing your lessons, you'll be a bilingual master! 

 

     Duolingo offers lessons in English, Arabic, Czech, Dutch, French, German, Greek, Hindi, Hungarian, Indonesian, Italian, Japanese, Korean, Polish, Portugese, Romanian, Russian, Simplified Chinese, Spanish, Traditional Chinese, Turkish, Ukrainian, and Vietnamese.

Developer: Duolingo, Inc

Category: Education

Rating: Rated 4+

DOWNLOAD IS FREE :)))

OFFERS IN-APP PURCHASES

      May God help us all with our studies and may high grades appear in my test papers.

Dear World,

     Hello there. I am so extremely happy and thrilled. So very.

  

     Don't be a dummy. Of course I'm not.

     My depression these days is just killing me. I rarely ever see myself truly happy. I may smile a lot and laugh a lot, but if you'd open your eyes, you'll see a girl, dying piece by piece. You'd never think that I, the sunshine girl, the one who always laughs and smiles is actually the complete opposite.

     Sometimes, I feel so scared of being happy. It kills me already. Every time I try to be happy, every time I smile with my friends, or am so close to that filled bottle, something always happens, wether it be a scold, a new anxiety, or a complete joke. 

        Photo from Google Images

     Sometimes, I change. I change to see how people would act. Will they ask what's up? Will they give more attention? Even a simple "are you ok?"? And the results? No one noticed. At all. I'm always the piece of dust that no one cares about. I'm always the blame, the one who is always wrong, the one who will never be perfect, and will never be right for at least once in her life. Everything I ask for is always such a big thing. Please, universe, don't make my best friend ignore me. Nah, who cares, there are better people, ba bye to her. Please, universe, don't make my parents be so unfair. Ugh, but shouldn't you be defeated with karma? Like, you always do bad things. *actually gives a lot more pain than expected karma*. Mom, I'm sorry, I spilled some juice in my room. Ugh this is all your fault, I told you to eat downstairs, you always make me tired, you have no mercy! Don't you know how filled my glass is, how full of sadness it is? Hey Eliza, could you help me out with these? Oh, I think, probably later, Oh, well then maybe we could... Ooh Jessica, let's go to the mall!

      Photo from Google Images

      Photo from Google Images

         Photo from Google Images

       Photo from Google Images

     I mean come on, except for my dream to be a successful writer, I DO NOT ASK FOR JEWELS OR DIAMONDS OR GOLD. If you're imagining me now in tears, what I feel is way way way worse.

      From now on, I'm going to be stiff with this world. I'm not a little girl, wondering and having fun. I'm struggling, struggling to keep up with everything. My future, my friends, school, family, interests, people. When the world pushes you, you've got to be strong enough to fight back. Don't be that delicate princess, cry if you wanna cry, feel free. I'm sick and tired too, you know. But alas, even in the depths of despair, you've gotta keep fighting, no matter how heavy that burden on your back may be.

      With this horrible life at its worst, I just want to kill myself. But of course, I wouldn't and I couldn't, since that would only bring me to hell and that'd be a complete waste of pain. World, I don't think you'll remember me, a piece of dust, so have fun without me. Athena No One, signing out :)

Haters Gonna Hate

     "UGH I JUST WATCHED SOME TV AND I SOOO WANT DEMI LEVATO TO DIE!!! SHE THINKS SHE'S THIS TALENTED SINGER AND ALL, BUT NO! SHE LOOKS LIKE A COW!"

     I really really hate bashers. In the Philippines, there is quite a high number of fangirls who bash other celebrities or famous people, and say such immature stuff like that. And I don't get the point of all this. It's sickly annoying and I cannot believe that people at this generation act like that. And, they bash for no particular reason whatsoever! How dumb can you get?

     Let's say that I liked the color pink (Which is true :D). Someone comes in the picture and says that he likes yellow and he wishes that pink never existed, for it to die. It's kind of like that when it comes to famous people. And what is the point of saying that? You just want to dishearten them, to get them down? It's ridiculous. Sure, you may not like some celebrity, but it doesn't mean that you've got to act like that! And then suddenly some basher will hate other people who are fans or supporters of that particular fandom. It's foul and wicked.

     As for me, I've got a few famous people on my list who I really don't like very much, and I am a fan of the people who are usually compared to them. But I do not send death threats, alright? I just let them be, because it's so dumb to have a hobby of this bashing.

     

              Photo from We Heart It

_________________

LET ME TELL YOU WHY.

⚡ It's a waste of time! Think of all the videos of Taylor S. you could have watched if you stopped trying to hack Selena Gomez's Instagram account. 

⚡ It is so stupid. I mean, honestly, have you even taken a look at a mirror, dear basher? You dare take on a grammy award winner, who is dressed in a glittery gown of silk, while you type on the keyboard in you own little house, having tattered clothes and second hand shoes. You are taking on someone who doesn't care about what you say, and someone who is soooo above your level! No one cares if all you haters make some alliance, you are only showing a reflection of yourselves.

⚡ It is nefarious! At some point, these celebs will still feel sad deep inside because of all that negativity. They just look strong and untouched, and they say they ignore it. You are only making other people waste a precious smile.

⚡ You aren't helping anyone. You aren't helping your favorite, Kendall Jenner, if you want to end Gigi Hadid. You aren't helping yourself either by being filled by pessimistic thoughts. You are only breaking other people's happiness and again, wasting your time. You are only tiring yourself. 

_________________

      I have never experienced anything at all with haters, but with my shyness, yeah, I kind of know how that feels. With criticism and annoying opinions at school, oh please, haters are my thing. There are a lot of haters in this world, wether of famous people's or not. But why can't we all be positive and chill? Ugh. I don't know. 

     Don't ever get down when you encounter yourself with those hate maggots, since you aren't alone, and they just want to get into you, if it isn't all constructive. Keep your head above water, and do not let the the ocean sink the ship! :) 

         Photo from We Heart It

       

            Photo from We Heart It

  

_________________

Get Inspired. . . .

⚡ When people hate you, it's because you've got something they want.

⚡ You hate me? Well okay, grab a chair and wait for me to care.

⚡ I never gave you a reason to hate me. You're just creating your own little drama of pure insecurity.

⚡ Dear haters, don't criticize me for my flaws and mistakes when you can't even see your own.

⚡ There will be haters, there will be doubters, there will be non-believers, and then there will always be you to prove them wrong.

⚡ They don't like you, but they will be checking your page religously.

⚡ Don't worry about the ones who are talking behind your back, they're behind you for a reason.

⚡ I don't have time to hate people who hate me, cause I'm too busy loving people who love me.

⚡ Kill them with success and bury them with a smile.

⚡ When people you don't even know hate you, that's when you know you're the best.

     

           Photo from Pinterest

Help For All Teens

     In just a week or so, classes will finally start. I'll be riding the bus early in the morning again, I'll be wearing those tight checkered skirts instead of my shorts and pajamas, and my fingers will once again hurt while spending hours glued to a pen -- I wish they'd allow us to use gadgets, for goodness sake. And this year, is another year that confirms. . . that I am growing up.

     But it's not just the classes that makes me say I really feel like I'm growing up, though. I'm growing up in all the ways my imaginative, witty, four year old self could have ever imagined. 

     Let me write down what I mean. I've changed physically. When I was in third grade, all the girls were these tall giants and the boys were like ants. And now, being a teenager, suddenly it's like the grass is growing quickly and the boys have drunk some potion. I've shrunk! In the past, I was in the back of the line, and now, I'm suddenly fifth. Fifth?! Fifth!  Sometimes you can not believe it at all.

      Photo from Pinterest (Whisper)             

     Hormones are becoming active. According to mother, I am now able to resist sleep. Amazing! Yeah, only problem is you wake up to get an oily face. Ugh, pubic hair. Grose, right? Sometimes, I dislike reality because of this. And then, ugh, periods! You've got to go out of the classroom and hide your pad, and then it's another problem when your period leaks. I rarely ever get the stomach ache, but when I do, it is horrible. Another thing I hate about periods, is that grouchy mood. I do my best to hide the times whenever I've got a period, because when mom and dad find out, they'll all be "Oh, that's it! You've got your period! That's why you're annoyed!" or if I whine a lot, one of them would say, "Do you have your period?" Seriously. Wether or not she has it, and if she really does, why ask it? I swear it will just make her mood worse, since I feel like breaking a cement wall with a hammer when someone asks that.

           Photo from Pinterest

     And then there's that good side of life. Look, now you're smarter, and you've got more advantages! Sure there are more responsibilities, but there is still that wonderful bright side! You could never understand those letter stuff in Maths, and though you aren't at your best, look at you now! You've come a long long way. You just need a strong push to reach all your goals. And remember that day in the mall you'd spend with your friends, but you weren't allowed? Now, you're coming out of H&M with shopping bags like never before with your squad. Sometimes, life gets hard, but you can always look at the bright side of things. :) 

     And last but not the least, that forceful attitude of you wanting to fit in, of you caring what other people think of you. In the past, you didn't care if you wore a hundred butterfly clips on your hair, and had crooked teeth. And now, just a little flaw like the stray bangs will get you down. Listen, other people's opinions don't matter. Sure, it's hard to ignore what they think of you, but you've got to do what makes you happy. Don't overreact about tiny things. You won't ever live the best of life if you let other people get into your head, don't do what you want, and don't step out of that comfort zone. If you're all alone and your studies are hard, I think that you should approach God. He can make anything happen, and please, Athena, never ever doubt his kindness, mercy, and power. :) Think happy things, the whole year isn't devoted to your sadness event, alright? Besides, your friends and family will always have your back through the thick and thin.

     Aside from wanting to fit in and caring about other people's opinions, there is suddenly that humanoid that makes you go all alaolaolaoalaooaloalaoalo. Yes. And now, you try to be at your best in looks and smarts because of that someone. But here's a little something you should know. Young love  -__- , is not what your youth, your teenhood is completely and really made up of. It's a big part of it, yes, but it's not all about that. From my observations, 60% is like nothing but heart, heart, heart, love love, love, and sad, sad, sad in high school. It's also about spending the best of your precious life with your family, makng a difference with your studies, finding yourself, and sparking change.

     Dear Future-Still-Teen-Me, if you are reading this right now, you should just know that all these things are normal. All that depression, all the hardwork, the confusion, and judgement, they will all pass. Keep your dreams in your mind, and don't let anything get you down. Go out of your comfort zone, be brave, and be the best person you could possibly be. If you're worrying with studies, know that anything is possible, so if Isaac Newton is a genius, you can be just like him. If you're worrying about all those judgie meanies and all those scary opinions, know that there are people who appreciate you for you, so you don't need judgements. They won't do you any good, negative thinking is unhealthy. Mean people don't matter because they aren't really important, they do not know anything about you. And if you're worrying about love. . . I think that the best advice I could give to you is to be who you are and wait. I am a believer as well of the saying that the person you are meant to be with will come no matter what at the right time, regardless how far he or she may be. And don't try to be someone you aren't. Love yourself, because the way you expect someone to love you perfectly as you'd imagined can only be activated bg you and you only. You know, it may happen that you yourself is the answer to what you really need in life. But for now, enjoy all those six teen years with your friends and family, and always be strong. If a ship sinks, it had a hole to let water pass in. But if you don't have a hole, and don't let the other people depress you, you'll stay floating.

______________

Remember These.

1. Do what makes you happy.

2. Be yourself.

3. Step out of your comfort zone.

4. Ignore other people's comments. You have your own friends and appreciators.

5. Focus on your goals.

6. Stay strong and be kind.

7. Always. Always. Pray to God.

______________

     

     You are not alone with what you are going through, always remember that. This will all pass. Don't be afraid. Be the best you can be, and always remember that you have your family, friends, and God on your side.

     Photo From We Heart It