Dear World,

     Hello there. I am so extremely happy and thrilled. So very.

  

     Don't be a dummy. Of course I'm not.

     My depression these days is just killing me. I rarely ever see myself truly happy. I may smile a lot and laugh a lot, but if you'd open your eyes, you'll see a girl, dying piece by piece. You'd never think that I, the sunshine girl, the one who always laughs and smiles is actually the complete opposite.

     Sometimes, I feel so scared of being happy. It kills me already. Every time I try to be happy, every time I smile with my friends, or am so close to that filled bottle, something always happens, wether it be a scold, a new anxiety, or a complete joke. 

        Photo from Google Images

     Sometimes, I change. I change to see how people would act. Will they ask what's up? Will they give more attention? Even a simple "are you ok?"? And the results? No one noticed. At all. I'm always the piece of dust that no one cares about. I'm always the blame, the one who is always wrong, the one who will never be perfect, and will never be right for at least once in her life. Everything I ask for is always such a big thing. Please, universe, don't make my best friend ignore me. Nah, who cares, there are better people, ba bye to her. Please, universe, don't make my parents be so unfair. Ugh, but shouldn't you be defeated with karma? Like, you always do bad things. *actually gives a lot more pain than expected karma*. Mom, I'm sorry, I spilled some juice in my room. Ugh this is all your fault, I told you to eat downstairs, you always make me tired, you have no mercy! Don't you know how filled my glass is, how full of sadness it is? Hey Eliza, could you help me out with these? Oh, I think, probably later, Oh, well then maybe we could... Ooh Jessica, let's go to the mall!

      Photo from Google Images

      Photo from Google Images

         Photo from Google Images

       Photo from Google Images

     I mean come on, except for my dream to be a successful writer, I DO NOT ASK FOR JEWELS OR DIAMONDS OR GOLD. If you're imagining me now in tears, what I feel is way way way worse.

      From now on, I'm going to be stiff with this world. I'm not a little girl, wondering and having fun. I'm struggling, struggling to keep up with everything. My future, my friends, school, family, interests, people. When the world pushes you, you've got to be strong enough to fight back. Don't be that delicate princess, cry if you wanna cry, feel free. I'm sick and tired too, you know. But alas, even in the depths of despair, you've gotta keep fighting, no matter how heavy that burden on your back may be.

      With this horrible life at its worst, I just want to kill myself. But of course, I wouldn't and I couldn't, since that would only bring me to hell and that'd be a complete waste of pain. World, I don't think you'll remember me, a piece of dust, so have fun without me. Athena No One, signing out :)

The National Museum

     As I step on the cold marble floor and face the treasures lying ahead of me, I look back at the outside world, the path I chose to leave for the day. Looking back in front, I see luxury and riches. I see power and control. It may be very hard to believe, but I take it all in, believing in the fact that reality. . . .  is this.

     Last week, me and my family visited The National Museum of the Philippines, which is located at Ermita, Manila. The National Museum actually consists of two buildings, which are facing each other with the open highway in the middle. One is for Science History, and the other for the history of the Philippines. We arrived there at about nine am, and stopped over at the University of Santo Tomas on the way to eat brunch.

    

     We only visited the building of Philippine History because of the huge amount of tourists, which consisted of four floors. When you go inside, you get greeted by Juan Luna's historical Spolarium, which is so gigantic in size. Spolarium shows people (Spaniards) capturing other people (Filipinos) who were beaten up and bloody. The sight of it is nothing but majestic, and goosebumps creep me up the closer I get to the canvas. It's like it's telling me that yes, this is actual, real paint, and yes, Juan Luna painted this, and yes this is the horrible reality.

     The country of Spain once colonized Philippines back years ago in the 1800s. Filipinos were made to do tiresome tasks and were treated poorly. They were asked to do the impossible, and suffered for years, and there isn't a doubt in that once you see Spolarium and all the other paintings with your very own eyes. Some paintings were images of bombings, rape incidents, murders, battling in religion, or people with tiny houses. I also remember seeing a sculpture of a mom defending ehr children with courage, as their father was shot and dead. There were also paintings (portraits, actually) of Philippine National heros and some of the Americans who captured the country in the past.

     When I visited the National Museum, I felt a part of me was in it. It was as if my fifth grade textbook was coming to life and showing me all these kinds of stuff. The museum mainly had paintings and sculptures, and some of the new Filipino artists I discovered were Gulliermo Tolentino, Fernando Amorsolo, Juan Luna, and Vincente Manansala. The first floor of the museum itself was already very informative and all the while interesting especially for those who still have Philippine history fresh in their heads. 

     On the other hand, the second floor till the last was more on modern history and modern artists with more paintings and sculptures by Filipinos. 

     As I conclude, I really must say that as horrid as it may seem and as cruel as it may get, Spaniards, Americans, and Japanese were very cruel back then. They captured the Philippines and controlled all the Filipinos. They killed without mercy and expected the impossible. But once you really see the museum, you'll see bloodbaths and a lot of depression. When I walked into the museum that day, I truly felt like a Filipino inside and out. I felt like I was a citizen of before, and once had a hard life in World War II. I felt goosebumps and chills with the talent and gift of creativity that I witnessed. And I can truly say that I am a proud Filipino. 

The Tears That Never Fell

I stared out into the cool night of busy Paris streets while the air conditioning of the car soaked my dull face. The raidrops continued dropping, and the music continued playing. Suddenly a voice from the driver's seat says that she is dead. I remember last month, with that voice saying the same thing. I searched for the anchor, the humongous rock that should be sinking my heart, but there was none. I scavenged for the magical drops of liquid that should have been falling from my eyes, but there was only the cool air and dry cheeks.

     I feel guilty.

     This post is dedicated to two of my dogs who have died this year. Ella and Friday. My grandma took care of them when I was in fourth grade, but nevertheless, you are loved and missed. I don't care about silver or gold, bloodline, or where you were from. I love animals, especially dogs, and you are not forgotten. Rest In Peace, Ella and Friday.

Dreams

     Before I was eleven, I never had dreams as much as I do right now. Rick Riordan's Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Battle of The Labyrinth was just a normal book to me, but ever since I read it, my imagination was truly unlocked and I dreamt almost everyday until now. And the story actually bears no such resemblance to what I dream of.

     I love it whenever I dream. It's kind of like reading books, but you have more surprise, and no clue of what is happening. You don't know the conflict, since you can't read the back cover of a dream, and you don't know who the characters are yet, cause there aren't pictures of them in each chapter you go through. It's like real life, but you get to experience the impossible. Another thing that fascinates me is how you simply know what is happening in dreams and know who the people are, even if it wasn't stated. You just know. And I find that incredibly wonderful.

     Photo from We Heart It

     According to Google, people actually dream a lot every night, but they tend to forget. In my case, I started dreaming a lot just by reading a book. Whenever I stop dreaming, it would only be for a short period of time, like day or two. So during the past few months (February, I think), I made a dream diary. And after a week or a month, the consistency of me writing entries in it stopped. I got lazy and busy. But the good thing was that I really know how to remember my dreams now, because I had some practice. Even so, if you want to dream often, you should really keep a dream diary even if you've already got some practice.

     I've dreamt of doing a cartwheel, swimming under the deepest depths of the ocean, and having a chicken contest with my friends. They're sometimes weird, but you do have to say that they are very fun. I don't usually dream of nightmares, but I'm quite afraid with a dream I always got, ever since I was four. I'm in a dark place, and I'm tiny and standing on a humongous wobbly chair. And then when the chair falls down, it's as if I really fall down too and then I open my eyes, still facing my beloved sleeping puppy next to me. A bit scary, but it amuses me too.

     Photo from Google Images

     With this, I have a new story idea. It is quite exciting, since dreaming while I'm asleep and daydreaming are some of the things that I absoloutely love. 

     The story will be mainly about a twelve year old girl who dreams a lot. She remembers all her ten dreams every night. But her dreams aren't normal. Fun and amusing, yes, but peculiarly unusual. Because she can dream of the past, present, and future comnined in one.

     Photo from We Heart It

     Then there are the three main dreamers, or, dream protectors. They live secretly and are known by no one. The first one is a lady who I guess, is named past. She mostly wears blue outfits and is very beautiful, but expect her to be very forgetful. The present is sandman (I'm doing my best to not make this sandman be like the one in Rise of the Guardians), who is currently like the one in Rise of the Guardians in my imaginations, but I'll be doing some revision once I get started. And the last dream protector is called the Future. He is the most mysterious one of all, and is rarely seen by Present and Sandman. He goes in black cloacks, but he isn't necessarily a bad guy. He is unpredictable. Sometimes he is happy and cheerful, and sometimes not. 

     Photo from We Heart It

     The sandman has a son, who is kind of like Peter Pan. He is sent by the main dreamers to go to the girl. His mission is to observe her for some reason which I'll create when I get started, but when the boy messes up and is seen by the girl, things change and the main dreamers loose communication. The boy then discovers something new; the twelve year old girl could possibly be included in the next generation of dream protectors.

     It all isn't final yet, but I'm quite excited. I'm also currently in mourning state in Kazinra's world. Honestly I want to stop the writing the story because I feel so sad and irritated with Callaron, and myself. Actually, I'm really confused and I'm probably just going to go with the flow. Ugh. 

     Photo from We Heart It

Haters Gonna Hate

     "UGH I JUST WATCHED SOME TV AND I SOOO WANT DEMI LEVATO TO DIE!!! SHE THINKS SHE'S THIS TALENTED SINGER AND ALL, BUT NO! SHE LOOKS LIKE A COW!"

     I really really hate bashers. In the Philippines, there is quite a high number of fangirls who bash other celebrities or famous people, and say such immature stuff like that. And I don't get the point of all this. It's sickly annoying and I cannot believe that people at this generation act like that. And, they bash for no particular reason whatsoever! How dumb can you get?

     Let's say that I liked the color pink (Which is true :D). Someone comes in the picture and says that he likes yellow and he wishes that pink never existed, for it to die. It's kind of like that when it comes to famous people. And what is the point of saying that? You just want to dishearten them, to get them down? It's ridiculous. Sure, you may not like some celebrity, but it doesn't mean that you've got to act like that! And then suddenly some basher will hate other people who are fans or supporters of that particular fandom. It's foul and wicked.

     As for me, I've got a few famous people on my list who I really don't like very much, and I am a fan of the people who are usually compared to them. But I do not send death threats, alright? I just let them be, because it's so dumb to have a hobby of this bashing.

     

              Photo from We Heart It

_________________

LET ME TELL YOU WHY.

⚡ It's a waste of time! Think of all the videos of Taylor S. you could have watched if you stopped trying to hack Selena Gomez's Instagram account. 

⚡ It is so stupid. I mean, honestly, have you even taken a look at a mirror, dear basher? You dare take on a grammy award winner, who is dressed in a glittery gown of silk, while you type on the keyboard in you own little house, having tattered clothes and second hand shoes. You are taking on someone who doesn't care about what you say, and someone who is soooo above your level! No one cares if all you haters make some alliance, you are only showing a reflection of yourselves.

⚡ It is nefarious! At some point, these celebs will still feel sad deep inside because of all that negativity. They just look strong and untouched, and they say they ignore it. You are only making other people waste a precious smile.

⚡ You aren't helping anyone. You aren't helping your favorite, Kendall Jenner, if you want to end Gigi Hadid. You aren't helping yourself either by being filled by pessimistic thoughts. You are only breaking other people's happiness and again, wasting your time. You are only tiring yourself. 

_________________

      I have never experienced anything at all with haters, but with my shyness, yeah, I kind of know how that feels. With criticism and annoying opinions at school, oh please, haters are my thing. There are a lot of haters in this world, wether of famous people's or not. But why can't we all be positive and chill? Ugh. I don't know. 

     Don't ever get down when you encounter yourself with those hate maggots, since you aren't alone, and they just want to get into you, if it isn't all constructive. Keep your head above water, and do not let the the ocean sink the ship! :) 

         Photo from We Heart It

       

            Photo from We Heart It

  

_________________

Get Inspired. . . .

⚡ When people hate you, it's because you've got something they want.

⚡ You hate me? Well okay, grab a chair and wait for me to care.

⚡ I never gave you a reason to hate me. You're just creating your own little drama of pure insecurity.

⚡ Dear haters, don't criticize me for my flaws and mistakes when you can't even see your own.

⚡ There will be haters, there will be doubters, there will be non-believers, and then there will always be you to prove them wrong.

⚡ They don't like you, but they will be checking your page religously.

⚡ Don't worry about the ones who are talking behind your back, they're behind you for a reason.

⚡ I don't have time to hate people who hate me, cause I'm too busy loving people who love me.

⚡ Kill them with success and bury them with a smile.

⚡ When people you don't even know hate you, that's when you know you're the best.

     

           Photo from Pinterest